Give. Live. Hug.
On April 20th, 2013 I heard my mother screaming the words that no parent wants to hear. Your child is gone. I don't mean gone to the store, gone to the beach, gone missing, but that she was gone to heaven. My beautiful full of life daughter was killed in a single car accident on her way home from a Relay for Life event. She was not wearing a seat belt. The only thing I remember saying or screaming was "TELL ME SHE IS OK! TELL ME SHE IS OK! and then there was confusion and then my step father wanted to know where I was and all I could say was FIRE TOWER which was only a mile or so away. He asked me to stop... I hung up the phone.
We do not know what happened that morning and why she ran off the road, but she did, and then performed an over correction causing the SUV she was driving to flip multiple times ejecting her from the vehicle. My baby died from blunt force trauma to the back of her head from what we can only assume was her body coming into impact with the road. There were no other broken bones, so there is hope that she felt no pain or fear as this was occurring and that she was here one second and safely in the arms of Jesus the next.
I don't remember much about the scene.. I am sure that it will piece together in time when my brain is ready, but I remember silence... a silence of sound. I remember begging my mother to tell me who was with her.. PLEASE tell me who was with her and the horrible guilt I felt after realizing I was wishing that was someone else laying in on the cold road. I remember Stephanie just talking to me, I don't remember words. I remember wanting and trying to get to her, no one would let me. I just did not want my baby laying in that road alone... no one was with her. I wanted to hold her hand let her know I was there. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to hold my baby. I remember seeing my Daddy sitting with her holding her hand and feeling grateful that she wasn't alone but wanting to get to my baby. I don't know why they would not let me hold her hand.. I just wanted to hold her hand. I know I didn't have shoes.. only because hours later I realized I didn't have shoes. I don't remember leaving the scene... I was promised that I did not leave before she did and that even the car was gone before Ieft. I don't remember leaving... I don't remember what happened next.. I remember having the horrifying feeling that my family would find out on Facebook (God took care of that and we were fortunate only one family member found out that way). The only solid memory I have of the whole day after leaving the scene is kitty litter. When my best friend and sisper called to ask what I needed from home on the Outer Banks.. my response was Kitty Litter. I am blessed in the fact that my Sis had taken control on the home front and figured out that I was trying to say the cat needed kitty litter.
The day was a constant revolving scene of people, I don't remember all who were there that day.. I remember my closest friends as they surrounded me in love, Theresa, Tracy, Mark, Julie, Ed and my family.. the others are a blue I am sorry if I have forgotten you were there. I do have one horrible memory of a woman saying how horrible of a mother I was and how Deanna only knew my mother as a mother figure. It is a memory that haunts me.. it is a memory I have not dealt with. My mother, Anita and I all did what was best for my child. She needed 3 mommies to get her where she was and she turned out beautifully. Even in death she left a legacy. One day .. I will walk up to that lady and tell her, that she did not know my child, she did not now me, and that I loved my child enough to allow her to be herself. I wonder why that memory stands so firmly in my mind. So loudly I hear her saying those words. In time I pray that will ease.
My daughter lived her life giving, living and hugging and this website has been created to keep her legacy and memory alive, while I continue to give, live and hug without her. My prayer is that one day I can help other mothers who are in need through this horrible grief and impact the young community that seat belts CAN save your life.
The chance is high that not only would my daughter have survived her accident but that she would also have been relatively unharmed as the driver side of the car was not badly damaged. She was to go to her prom that night.. her photo went instead, she was to graduate in a few months... her cap sat lonely in her chair.. she was to move to the beach in June... her belongs were put away in her room without her laughter.
Our family will never understand why she did not perform the two second action of putting on her seat belt that morning, or what actually happened, until the day we meet her at heavens gates. Please I ask you each time you are in a moving vehicle to buckle up, remember your "Deanna Hug" don't leave your family with unanswered questions.
(Author's Note I will be updating this with the whole story in pieces as it comes back to me, please forgive me that I can only handle adding a portion at a time)
Much Love to you,
De's Mommy
We do not know what happened that morning and why she ran off the road, but she did, and then performed an over correction causing the SUV she was driving to flip multiple times ejecting her from the vehicle. My baby died from blunt force trauma to the back of her head from what we can only assume was her body coming into impact with the road. There were no other broken bones, so there is hope that she felt no pain or fear as this was occurring and that she was here one second and safely in the arms of Jesus the next.
I don't remember much about the scene.. I am sure that it will piece together in time when my brain is ready, but I remember silence... a silence of sound. I remember begging my mother to tell me who was with her.. PLEASE tell me who was with her and the horrible guilt I felt after realizing I was wishing that was someone else laying in on the cold road. I remember Stephanie just talking to me, I don't remember words. I remember wanting and trying to get to her, no one would let me. I just did not want my baby laying in that road alone... no one was with her. I wanted to hold her hand let her know I was there. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to hold my baby. I remember seeing my Daddy sitting with her holding her hand and feeling grateful that she wasn't alone but wanting to get to my baby. I don't know why they would not let me hold her hand.. I just wanted to hold her hand. I know I didn't have shoes.. only because hours later I realized I didn't have shoes. I don't remember leaving the scene... I was promised that I did not leave before she did and that even the car was gone before Ieft. I don't remember leaving... I don't remember what happened next.. I remember having the horrifying feeling that my family would find out on Facebook (God took care of that and we were fortunate only one family member found out that way). The only solid memory I have of the whole day after leaving the scene is kitty litter. When my best friend and sisper called to ask what I needed from home on the Outer Banks.. my response was Kitty Litter. I am blessed in the fact that my Sis had taken control on the home front and figured out that I was trying to say the cat needed kitty litter.
The day was a constant revolving scene of people, I don't remember all who were there that day.. I remember my closest friends as they surrounded me in love, Theresa, Tracy, Mark, Julie, Ed and my family.. the others are a blue I am sorry if I have forgotten you were there. I do have one horrible memory of a woman saying how horrible of a mother I was and how Deanna only knew my mother as a mother figure. It is a memory that haunts me.. it is a memory I have not dealt with. My mother, Anita and I all did what was best for my child. She needed 3 mommies to get her where she was and she turned out beautifully. Even in death she left a legacy. One day .. I will walk up to that lady and tell her, that she did not know my child, she did not now me, and that I loved my child enough to allow her to be herself. I wonder why that memory stands so firmly in my mind. So loudly I hear her saying those words. In time I pray that will ease.
My daughter lived her life giving, living and hugging and this website has been created to keep her legacy and memory alive, while I continue to give, live and hug without her. My prayer is that one day I can help other mothers who are in need through this horrible grief and impact the young community that seat belts CAN save your life.
The chance is high that not only would my daughter have survived her accident but that she would also have been relatively unharmed as the driver side of the car was not badly damaged. She was to go to her prom that night.. her photo went instead, she was to graduate in a few months... her cap sat lonely in her chair.. she was to move to the beach in June... her belongs were put away in her room without her laughter.
Our family will never understand why she did not perform the two second action of putting on her seat belt that morning, or what actually happened, until the day we meet her at heavens gates. Please I ask you each time you are in a moving vehicle to buckle up, remember your "Deanna Hug" don't leave your family with unanswered questions.
(Author's Note I will be updating this with the whole story in pieces as it comes back to me, please forgive me that I can only handle adding a portion at a time)
Much Love to you,
De's Mommy
