Full disclosure. This is hard. Very very hard and shameful. I weigh more than I ever have in my life. Ever. I was HUGE when Drake was born. I top that now by over 50lbs. I won’t tell you what I weigh. Let’s just say it is BAD. To be a “healthy” weight I need to lose over 100lbs. Did you hear me. To be a healthy weight. That isn’t even thin. In probably 15 years or more I have not seen a 1 on the scale and now I am VERY close to having to hit the next notch up for the scale to even work. Like a bottle of water away. I want to get surgery because I do not see any other way because everything about me is broken but absolutely no one in my life supports that decision. I have such an unhealthy relationship with myself and food I am not even fully supportive of it myself, but some part of me feels hopeless.
I checked into a therapist last night for a multiple of reason but my eating issues was one of them and dear lord.... Not quite the kinda funds I have right now. I was shocked. How do people get help of any kind????
So as I said full disclosure this is me. My moms most feared shape... round. My most feared shape... out of it. I’m trying but this is painful.
What I know is no amount of working out alone is going to fix this and likely neither will just “cutting back”. How dumb can you be Re to have done this to yourself. AGAIN.
OK. now that’s off my chest.
I did hit the Y. I did the workout laid out for me even though I was doubtful that I could I did it as it was planned. Even got to see OPB and that chat helped a lot.
As a dear friend says .... Onward.
Edit for Bekah: Positive of the day. My work out contained 5 sets of 2 minutes of treadmill running. I already had reported that probably was not happening but daggone if I didn’t do it. It was a jog but it was as not a walk! So the positive is I can still run, I can still do 30 push-ups. I can still to 30 sit ups. And I can do kettlebell work like no ones business
I checked into a therapist last night for a multiple of reason but my eating issues was one of them and dear lord.... Not quite the kinda funds I have right now. I was shocked. How do people get help of any kind????
So as I said full disclosure this is me. My moms most feared shape... round. My most feared shape... out of it. I’m trying but this is painful.
What I know is no amount of working out alone is going to fix this and likely neither will just “cutting back”. How dumb can you be Re to have done this to yourself. AGAIN.
OK. now that’s off my chest.
I did hit the Y. I did the workout laid out for me even though I was doubtful that I could I did it as it was planned. Even got to see OPB and that chat helped a lot.
As a dear friend says .... Onward.
Edit for Bekah: Positive of the day. My work out contained 5 sets of 2 minutes of treadmill running. I already had reported that probably was not happening but daggone if I didn’t do it. It was a jog but it was as not a walk! So the positive is I can still run, I can still do 30 push-ups. I can still to 30 sit ups. And I can do kettlebell work like no ones business
RSS Feed
