For all my negativity over the last few months I apologize. To the people I have hurt I apologize. I am sincerely trying to start over new and fresh. The fact is my life is new. Deanna would want me to be happy and make her life and death a positive experience for all I can reach. I may have alienated some with my rants recently but I ask you to please have patience with me. The darkness I allowed to over take my mind and heart even as I was reaching out for God swallowed me and a lot of my common sense.
This is me... poking new feathers out of the ash as a new Phoenix. The reason for the new account is I feel I can rebuild a positive place for my heart and feelings easier than renovate this space. Sometimes complete destruction and rebuild is needed this is one of those times. This space is filled with such sadness and pain. One day I will look back on this I am sure as I plan on using it as tools of what not to do and possibly what to expect from a grieving parent who not only suffers from clinical depression but also PTSD. I know a lot of people associate that with soldiers and never think it could happen just to any old normal person. The truth is it only takes one event to trigger it. The fact is that is why I only see flashes of the scene the trauma was more than I have been able to handle. I.am.asking thay you be patient with me a little while longer, seeing your child lying in a cold road alone with no one holding her hand or helping her will...push the strongest over the edge.
I ask you for just one moment imagine seeing that sight. I begged them to please let me go to her. I tried. I wanted to hold my baby. Am I giving you excuses right now, no. I am simply stating why I have been so focused on other smaller insignificant negatives that have happened and how they grew. It is a lot easier for my heart and spirit to focus on little things than that my sweet girl died and I watched her lay in that cold road with no blanket and her mommy couldn't help her. I failed my job. I didn't keep her safe. I realize that to overcome the depression and the PTSD I have to face it. I have to talk about that day. I have to put the pieces together of that day and work through each one or forever I will remember my baby cold and alone.
My new account is Rhiannon Mariah Dawn. You are more than welcome to friend the account. I only ask that positive energy only be shared. I have had to come a long way to get to this point.
Much love to all
Re
This is me... poking new feathers out of the ash as a new Phoenix. The reason for the new account is I feel I can rebuild a positive place for my heart and feelings easier than renovate this space. Sometimes complete destruction and rebuild is needed this is one of those times. This space is filled with such sadness and pain. One day I will look back on this I am sure as I plan on using it as tools of what not to do and possibly what to expect from a grieving parent who not only suffers from clinical depression but also PTSD. I know a lot of people associate that with soldiers and never think it could happen just to any old normal person. The truth is it only takes one event to trigger it. The fact is that is why I only see flashes of the scene the trauma was more than I have been able to handle. I.am.asking thay you be patient with me a little while longer, seeing your child lying in a cold road alone with no one holding her hand or helping her will...push the strongest over the edge.
I ask you for just one moment imagine seeing that sight. I begged them to please let me go to her. I tried. I wanted to hold my baby. Am I giving you excuses right now, no. I am simply stating why I have been so focused on other smaller insignificant negatives that have happened and how they grew. It is a lot easier for my heart and spirit to focus on little things than that my sweet girl died and I watched her lay in that cold road with no blanket and her mommy couldn't help her. I failed my job. I didn't keep her safe. I realize that to overcome the depression and the PTSD I have to face it. I have to talk about that day. I have to put the pieces together of that day and work through each one or forever I will remember my baby cold and alone.
My new account is Rhiannon Mariah Dawn. You are more than welcome to friend the account. I only ask that positive energy only be shared. I have had to come a long way to get to this point.
Much love to all
Re
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