Author's Note 2: After this writing I received what I will call a very fake apology .. filled with a bunch of sugar coated bull. The bottom line a very manipulated apology in order to once again state she had done the right thing. The only person you are fooling is yourself by the way.
I removed my last post because I was very hurt and angry when I posted. This is my outlet, some disagree with me using it as such and that's OK, but I let the hurt over ride my writing ability sometimes and this was one of those times.
The bottom line is that this is my life, things have happened to me, some good, some bad, I have been very honest and open about my entire journey, the accident, the loss of not just one but two children, the stress, the ups, the strains on relationships and the depression. I reached out today to bridge a gap in one of those strained relationships and I was accused of ruining someone's personal and professional relationships with my posts and writings, I have never named any names in any of my writing, however, I was informed that people knew who it was about. That very well may be, but after thinking about this for a considerable amount of time this evening I have never lied or told an untruth about anything, so the plain and simple truth is that their actions and people witnessing it is what ruined their reputation not my writing. The moment their actions were directed at me they became my life and I write about my life. It's not my job to edit my life so that others can go on their merry way.
It's my job to share my experiences of this journey every way I can. One person... ONE person has claimed my writings have harmed them.. one person who has hurt me over and over ... sorry but the dozens of people who have reached out to me about how my honesty and openness have helped them out weigh this one.
I don't walk around deliberately hurting anyone that is not me or my style but I won't color coat my life either. Had their very deliberate actions not affected me maybe they would not have been in my life story in the way they are.
I don't owe any explanation for any of this its just me sharing where I am and how I feel. I don't hold back about the joys in my life so why should I hold back the hurts. And no this one person is not the only person I have been hurt by in the past 9 months and she didn't mind cheering me on when I wrote about the harmful things others had done to me. The sad part.... I haven't even written all of what this one person has done.
It's time to burn the bridge for good. She has been deleted and blocked from my pages so she can't send any more hurtful "friend requests" and take any more photos from my facebook. As far as I am concerned she is just someone I used to know.
There is one circle we are in together and I refuse to be run away. I am just very sorry that as I was trying to extend an olive branch to make things more comfortable for everyone she was reaching out too smack me with it before I even had a chance to extend it.
The odd thing I find about it all is that I have only spoken to a select few about her in weeks and that was very behind the scenes, and those knew I was praying and thinking of extended a message but before I could she did the one thing she claimed to not want to do "rock the boat" . How does one publicly post one of my photos even stating that I had taken it, on Facebook without permission knowing how I feel about that and not "rock the boat" and in the mean time go on my new Facebook account and send an accidental "friend request" sorry but this two and two add up to bullshit in my book.
Personally I think it was someone's pot had been ignored a little too long and needed some drama.
Hope you enjoyed it. You got me and drug me in for the last time. PS you didn't leave me it a puddle of tears this time... so me I am getting stronger which makes me feel sorry for you, to make yourself feel good you have to add more crap to my life. You see when I am not looking at you through the tears of a broken heart from from a broken friendship I see you for what you are. I will continue to pray for you. You need it.Like · · Promote · Share
- Bette Ewell Smith, Kelly Smith, Danielle Tzerefos Ewell and 22 others like this.
- Angela Metcalf I may not know who you are talking about but I think we all can relate. Good for you. .. stay true to your self Re.January 19 at 12:02am · Like · 2
- Kris Ashby Smit Well said January 19 at 12:16am · Like · 2
- Kelly Crowe You are stronger. And you know that you did all you should have and stopped when you should have. That's awesome. The post is also extremely well writ.January 19 at 12:17am · Like · 3
- Re Phoenix Haywood No Kelly I should have stopped long ago. I should have known better than try again for just some sort of respect.January 19 at 12:19am · Like · 1
- Kelly Crowe Dunno, Dear. You are you. I don't think giving up on people is really in you, is it? Not really? Somehow it seems like you'd be one to test every avenue of fixing before being well and truly done. I may be wrong of course. I am that way with my Dad (genetic, Mathews). Every once in a long while I try a new tack or think something might have changed or the situation might be workable or I may have misjudged or been hasty. That has yet to be anything but wishful thinking. But there is a kind of peace in knowing I didn't just give up.January 19 at 12:25am · Like · 1
- Kelly Crowe People who don't respect others don't respect themselves, do they? Not really? You have me thinking again...January 19 at 12:26am · Unlike · 4
- Re Phoenix Haywood You have a good point.January 19 at 12:27am · Like · 2
- Roberta Respess Re, (SBMD), we are soooo much alike!!! My life is an open book. I have NEVER intentionally hurt anyone, until I'm backed into a corner, then I come out fighting and sometimes don't like myself very much because of it. Lately Kim and I have both been intentionally hurt by people we have sacrificed our lives for and it turned ugly and we got slapped in our faces once again. Life, on the best of days, is hard. Very hard. Sometimes it is just best to cut your losses and move on. It's what I am trying to do now. I don't want it to overwhelm me and I hope I can be successful. I know I tried to do everything right and should have no regrets. Hold your head up high and know there is nothing wrong with you and your actions. People will hurt you over and over again. You can forgive, but you can never forget!! I love you my girl and you will always have my support and affection!!January 19 at 12:44am · Like
- Re Phoenix Haywood SBMM... I am so sorry. I have not been a very good SMS either. I haven't been there and I should have been. I am just all over the place emotionally. Please know I love you and Kim more than you know. XoxoxoxxoJanuary 19 at 12:52am · Like · 1
- Roberta Respess We both have our "shit" that we are dealing with. Your heartache is certainly the worst thing ever and you are dealing with things as best you can. Everything in its own time. We will have our time too. We love you too!!! Kim asks about you and Drake all the time.January 19 at 12:56am · Like
- Thomas Hudgins You've lost two children? I only know of one. You're still one of my favorite people from the Mathews years.January 19 at 5:22am · Like · 1
- Lisa Evans That is about the best post I've seen in a long time.January 19 at 7:04am · Like · 1
- Kris Summers-Dentler u!!!!January 19 at 7:55am · Like
- Stephanie Rowe I love youJanuary 19 at 8:02am · Like
- Kelly Jones Some people we love are just toxic. I had a friend for 22 years that i loved as a sister that was just toxic. I swear she secretly enjoyed trying to make me feel bad by constantly demeaning me and for some unknown reason found everything to be a competition. I finally cut all ties about 4 years ago. I don't see it as giving up on a person but as taking care of myself!!! I've become happier and more confident in myself! Allowing only positive and loving people in my world has made me a better person. I say kudos to you! Keep focused on the light to help guide you out of the darkness!!! Ps I love you Yaya xoxoJanuary 19 at 8:55am · Like · 2
- Kris Summers-Dentler Yes Kelly it's about taking care of ourselves! Great perspective!January 19 at 8:58am · Edited · Like · 2
- Kim Lee Truth in love always. Grace & mercy. Even Jesus was betrayed from within His inner circle. The secret is to forgive & move on & that's something you've seemed to have a grasp on. Love & prayersJanuary 19 at 9:11am · Like
- Re Phoenix Haywood Thomas Hudgins my step son in March of 2010. This family has been through the wringer.January 19 at 9:45am · Like
- Priscilla Crockett I get it. When a relationship makes you feel torn, bad, confused, whatever, it is unhealthy. Let it go. Society loves to "compartmentalize" & tell us we need to have this or feel that...You are right. You are strong. Reality, good or bad, is your oxygen. Fight for your right to be real. January 19 at 9:48am · Like · 1
- Re Phoenix Haywood This is an unending nightmare.January 19 at 10:06am · Like
- Re Phoenix Haywood To add further to the madness her supposed request was for me not to post about her on social media. .. before I even had a chance to turn around guess who posted about me. I think it is incredibly pathetic that when she doesn't have some kind of drama in her life she throws her crap over my fence and then posts her portion of "simply" asking for me not to post about her forgetting everything before that. Lord please help me here!January 19 at 10:12am · Like
- Re Phoenix Haywood Yes I have people that tell me just like she has people that apparently tell her.January 19 at 10:13am · Like
- Kelly Crowe Sounds manipulative. Like control and stress have to happen for her to feel secure.January 19 at 10:34am · Like · 1
- Priscilla Crockett just let it go hun. it's too heavy & will sink you. (funny, my next tattoo is a balloon that says "let go". We are struggling with similar issues.January 19 at 10:37am · Like · 2
- Priscilla Crockett ...I find myself feeling guilty for realizing that I don't want that relationship, only because society has drilled it into my head that I'm supposed to want that. (my sister) just let it go & soar hun. You will be so much better.January 19 at 10:39am · Unlike · 3
- Danielle Tzerefos Ewell I am proud of you. You have been through so much this last 9 months and are still a person some look up to. Your writings inspire so many people. You are you and this person knew that better than many. You are a writer and put returning into words so you can cope with it and hopefully help others. It may not have been intentional when you started but that's what it's become. It's time to close that chapter and move on to the next. Stay strong and true to your convictions. Don't let anyone tell you different. I love you and can't wait to see you soon just to give you a hug!!January 19 at 10:49am · Like · 3
- Ethel Schoenborn Beautifully written! Don't let anyone bring you down. No one is worth that! Love you!January 19 at 12:52pm · Like
- Sheila Brown you don't need to apologize my friend, think of what's best for you!!January 19 at 5:50pm · Like · 1
- Kelly Smith Love that post just think of it as one door closing & another one is opening you have your true friends who support you & love you dearly!!!! I Love you so much!!!January 19 at 8:20pm · Like · 2