I am really enjoying my little facebook. I feel so much heaviness gone. It's lovely.

For all my negativity over the last few months I apologize. To the people I have hurt I apologize. I am sincerely trying to start over new and fresh. The fact is my life is new. Deanna would want me to be happy and make her life and death a positive experience for all I can reach. I may have alienated some with my rants recently but I ask you to please have patience with me. The darkness I allowed to over take my mind and heart even as I was reaching out for God swallowed me and a lot of my common sense.
This is me... poking new feathers out of the ash as a new Phoenix. The reason for the new account is I feel I can rebuild a positive place for my heart and feelings easier than renovate this space. Sometimes complete destruction and rebuild is needed this is one of those times. This space is filled with such sadness and pain. One day I will look back on this I am sure as I plan on using it as tools of what not to do and possibly what to expect from a grieving parent who not only suffers from clinical depression but also PTSD. I know a lot of people associate that with soldiers and never think it could happen just to any old normal person. The truth is it only takes one event to trigger it. The fact is that is why I only see flashes of the scene the trauma was more than I have been able to handle. I.am.asking thay you be patient with me a little while longer, seeing your child lying in a cold road alone with no one holding her hand or helping her will...push the strongest over the edge.

I ask you for just one moment imagine seeing that sight. I begged them to please let me go to her. I tried. I wanted to hold my baby. Am I giving you excuses right now, no. I am simply stating why I have been so focused on other smaller insignificant negatives that have happened and how they grew. It is a lot easier for my heart and spirit to focus on little things than that my sweet girl died and I watched her lay in that cold road with no blanket and her mommy couldn't help her. I failed my job. I didn't keep her safe. I realize that to overcome the depression and the PTSD I have to face it. I have to talk about that day. I have to put the pieces together of that day and work through each one or forever I will remember my baby cold and alone.

My new account is Rhiannon Mariah Dawn. You are more than welcome to friend the account. I only ask that positive energy only be shared. I have had to come a long way to get to this point.

Much love to all
Re

Rhiannon Mariah Dawn can't send any more friend request.. Facebook doesn't like it if you request a bunch of people at one time.

But let me just say this over here too so there is no confusion at all.
1. That is me.
2. If you are friends with that me there are some things you need to know.
a. If I post something it is not about you
b. if I post something it is not about someone else.
c. if I post something and you think it is about you or someone else you need to look in the mirror not at me.
d. if you feel the need to share what I post with someone else and ask if it is about them shame on you.
e. and finally E. If you are still feeling like my post is about your or someone else all I can say is if the shoe fits lace that bitch up and wear it Cinderella

and PS now everyone can find me and knows who I am... or who I am today.

SINCE I AM ON A ROLL HERE.. let me make this clear as well..
If I post something on here.. it isn't about anyone .. you or anyone else.. it is in general..

However, if you feel a post is about you, or that it is about someone else and they think it is about them.. best advice I got for ya is if the shoe fits lace that bitch up and wear it Cinderella.

So here is the deal... The old account had way too many twisty people and I wrote way too much twisty stuff.

So THIS is the new world of glittery unicorn farts and rainbows with pots of chocolate at the end... who needs gold.

Clean slate.

Drake Haywood: You've turned into a monster

• Re Phoenix Haywood YOU MADE ME THIS WAY!!!!
• Re Phoenix Haywood Now finish your room

So true. I hope anyone who is walking a hard road will allow me to just walk with them a while, even if it is through a Facebook message or text or random phone call. I know all of you have been walking with me through this journey, even the uncomfortable parts you all have never left me. Blessed and honored to have so much love in my life.

Very interesting and insightful article. Since the accident I have been somewhat 6 out of the 10. The good thing is I don't feel I fall into any of these categories over my life, just right now as things are so jumbled up. I will be saving this and going over it in attempts to break out of some of the categories, lazy, constantly depressed, non dreamer... just to name a few.

I hope no one reads this and thinks ... nope she totally is that category. Lol.

Realizing when it is time to move on with your life and leave something behind is hard no matter what the situation. When it is the death of your child ... I think it is the hardest. You are torn between depression telling you that you failed, grief telling you it's not time to be happy, and some inner tiny spark that wants to live. The key I believe is to keep fueling that little spark with God, goodness, wholeness, love, family and friendship and eventually you will have your life back. It will NEVER be the same but you will have moved on from the grief and depression and remember the fond memories.

I know it is time to start moving on, to live the journey that this tragedy has created and not hide from it. There is a plan for me... I just have to be willing to accept it.