I'm working with a whole shit load of Asians.
I love you and we're still gonna have fun with summer — with Re Phoenix Haywood.
Give. Live. Hug. |
|
well you know it, moved in and ready to start my summer. Weird right I wasn't supposed to be down here till the 14th, we were gonna whip the Mazda down after graduation, and ya know sleep in the bunk beds we had so many plans for the summer, it's hard to believe that they're not going to happen.
I'm working with a whole shit load of Asians. I love you and we're still gonna have fun with summer — with Re Phoenix Haywood.
0 Comments
Author unknown
Losing a child is like losing your soul. You may put on a front for the world but, inside, you are dying. De,
Haley moves today. Watch over her as she gets here and try not to let her get lost. As you can guess, I am happy she will be close, but heart broken that you won't. This summer was supposed to be so different, this house was supposed to be a hustle and bustle of you kids in and out, to work, to the beach, to the pit, to the parties I wasn't supposed to know about. This isn't fair De. YOU are supposed to be here doing all these silly things, all these fun things, getting on with your next journey! I would do anything just to have you back, just to see you walk through that door and plop your crap in the floor, instead of putting it away. Instead this weekend I will be walking a memorial lap for you... God please help me get through this, because Mommy just isn't dealing so good. I love you De... and miss you so badly. Love Mommy Ok mornings.. Wake up. Hop out of bed start the day and it is ehhhh ok. Other mornings ... Not so much. It's an Other.
Sitting here staring at 3 bottles of perfume, 1 bottle of body spray, a tube of lotion, a can of hair spray and a can of mousse....
De,
It's one of those days that .. just hurts all over. I can't stop thinking about your laugh, your smile, the silly things you would do just to make me laugh at you. The dinners you would surprise me with. How do I spend the rest of my life with only memories? The tears they won't stop today... the just keep coming, much like the rain. Are you crying too De? Are you sad that I feel so lost? Your brother just woke up and fussed because I didn't get him to bootcamp this morning. Still in running for the mom of the year award see?? I just couldn't get there, at 3:30 when I was still tossing and turning, I figured the best I would be to my team was a log they could drag. It's not fair to them. Sadly it is also not fair to Drake that I didn't manage to get him there and now he is upset. I just miss you so bad today. My calendar is still on May, because I can stand to turn the page and see Graduation, De's First day of work, as well as other events we would be doing together. I know I have to face these things, it just won't be today. I love you my sweet girl so so much... and I pray every day that you knew that. Love Mommy Morning,sending love,hugs and Hayley kisses! Miss you !! xoxoxo
I wish I had words to heal the other parents in this hell, the grief and pain is indescribable and I pray if you don't know that you NEVER know.
De,
I woke up this morning sad and missing you. Not that I don't everyday, today was just overwhelming. I wanted to cry and couldn't. I wants to call you and couldn't. I wanted to text you and couldn't. Yesterday was a good day. I spent the day on the beach with Amanda, Ganee, Aunt B, Carol Ann, Cindy, and others... It was a beautiful day and you would have been so proud. I hopped in three times and didn't even have to be drug in or someone holding my hand. Drake even came down and hung out, it was great. Came home to a home cooked chef made Pad Thai you would have loved, after my evening crash that is. I swear it is weird, it's like my brain and body can only handle so much then ZAP I am out cold for an hour. I wold blame the meds but they are supposed to be helping with that so who knows. You would have had a good laugh with us about the lady on the beach who's boobs weren't exactly held in her ... I can't even call that a shirt... More like two strips of material with a string. We were all anxiously waiting on them to pop out. No such luck. Today I woke up missing you terribly and just wanting to stay in bed. I had no where to go or to be at any certain time so it was possible. I could have just hid all day like you used to after night shift. Close the blinds. The door. And just pretend the world outside was gone. That's how I feel sometimes Sis... That the world outside is just gone. Maybe because it is so different now, that it seems that the world as I knew it is gone... I don't know I just know that I feel different, lost, and empty. How can someone surrounded by so much love and support feel so utterly hopeless and alone??!! I know it is not fair to the boys... Isn't it strange Sis, when my friends had matching children, they would say "my boys" or "the girls" I always said "the kids" and wondered what it would be like to say the girls or boys.... As I am sure they wondered what it would be like to say "the kids". Let me tell you it sucks. I also thought to myself how this conversation would go... Meet new person, conversation starts... Them: how many children do you have? Me: 5 Them: oh what age and what do they do... Me: Navy, College, Angel, Angel, High school Them: blank stare How do I have a conversation about my babies and leave two out, how do I talk about you and not floor the other person. This isn't fair Sis. Not at all! I should be telling everyone the stories of all if you succeeding in your futures! Not that I now have two who are as you wrote so many times in your notebooks "Forever Young" and angels. I miss you so much... So so much.. I'm going to try to turn this day around now... To miss you in happy ways, to see you in the birds that are singing, the gentle breeze that is blowing, and the dragon flies... We will be together soon my sweet girl.. I love you. Mommy |
Random Musings from Facebook
My random status thoughts and love sent to me by others. Just a glimpse into the madness, sadness, and silliness of my mind. Archives
February 2014
Categories |
|