As many of you well know come Thanksgivingish it is crash and burn time. Each year I say "Nope, it is NOT happening this year." and before I can say Feliz Navidad it's happened. The darkness creeps in and threatens to bury me and everything in my path. Again this year I made it through but just making it is not how I want to be. I want to be alive! I want to rejoice in waking up in the mornings. I want to feel love again. I want to be happy again. I want to run again. I want to feel joy again.
I know the changes for this have to come from inside of me. Just like the changes came the day the kids went to heaven. Each taking part of me with them. Some times I feel like I died them too, just my body was left here on this Earth and I am having to completely learn what to do with it. What is it's purpose when such huge parts of your love can be ripped away in the blink of an eye. What if more parts of love are taken? What does that leave?
For so long now I have lived in a fear of it happening again. I can not continue to live life in fear. It is time to take the bull by the horns, dust my large rear end of and get to moving and shaking. The way I see it.. right this minute I have 10 months to get ahead of the darkness to build my life and the life of those around me up to a point that when the darkness threatens to invade that it is fought off and back by the life of the living and the angels in my life.