More than one person asked me today if I was ok.. or what was wrong. The answer.. the hell if I know. I think I am ok, I didn't think anything was wrong. I am a bit achy with the temp drop but other than that I am ok. That in it self is probably the problem. I am ok.

Do not get me wrong.. ok is.. well ok. It is better than I have been in a long time but I want to be GREAT! I am really not grumpy, I am just determined, and maybe just a little frustrated. I want to be stronger, faster, and well smaller. I think that will help with the achy a lot.

It is still difficult for me to watch the faster groups move on along without me. It takes me a bit to warm up, but once I get the joints moving I am doing better and can keep up more. It's just that first half a mile or so.. good grief. I have noticed I do better with someone running along side of me. I work harder to keep the pace but let's face it when you are a "in between" no one has the same pace so it is very hard to have a partner to help push you along. Its really kind of odd to be honest. I have never been much on partner running, mainly because I was always the slow caboose but I find myself longing for that person that will help push me along.

The other thing that I have been dodging and hiding and skirting around, it's fall. Its that time of year that everything in my heart implodes and I miss my babies more than ever. Its that time of year when families come together and enjoy each other and so much of mine is heaven that it truly just hurts to breath at times.

But I will make it through, I always do.
Besides I have goals!

March 1/2 Marathon with Drake
April 1/2 Marathon with the crew in Rehobeth
May 2 Spartans

I have to be ok.

So there you have it... nothing is wrong. I am just ok.

Love and Peace
Re

Over the last few weeks I have noticed a trend with some of my friends and on Facebook in general, lots of sadness, darkness, hate, jealousy... people being unfriended and blocked because they voted different, because they are in a different place in life, because they are happy. Relationships and long time friendships being rocked... over what?

Believe me, I of ALL people know how hard it is to be depressed and in a darkness when the entire world seems to just be moving along in happiness. I myself wanted to scream STOP BEING SO DAMN HAPPY! I wanted everyone's world to come to a screeching halt as mine did.. and today.. today I am so enormously thankful that it did not and that some how I got through it with most of my friends intact. (we won't go through the details of the Great Falling out of 2013.. but it turned around to where it needed to be). It was brought to my attention that I posted lots of my negative feelings all over Facebook some times hourly, yes I did. I used it as a tool to not only work through issues myself but to maybe help others realize they weren't alone, but I do not recall unfriending people based on their own happiness, religious or political thoughts, or even threatening to unfriend.

One of the things that got me through the worst of times, was the positive people, even though witnessing their happiness added a twinge to my heart. The people that were happy and moving on with life, some after great tragedy themselves, gave me hope. Imagine if you will a world of people in the same exact place you are, if everyone is pitted in a deep sadness, who is going to be able to give anyone hope that it will get better? Imagine if everyone is happy all the time, we would not see any change in the world for the better, we would be stuck in a rut of just the same. I am so incredibly grateful for the different people in my life, even today. While I am in a wonderful place emotionally and physically (even if the scale nor tape measure moved this week) the others what are not so happy remind me of where I was, where I have come from, and to continue to trudge along and to try to reach out a helping hand.

Why do I say try to reach out a helping hand, because some people aren't ready for help. I get that, I was there. Plenty of people tried to help me and I just couldn't grasp the hand yet and thankfully when I was ready I had not alienated them to the point they no longer wanted to help me. Have I had to leave a few people along the way, yes, there were a few that benefited from my sadness as I fit better into their lives with it. I have had to walk away from a couple negative people as there just wasn't a purpose, but the positive people HOLD ON TO THOSE!

So what am I saying here, in this time of uncertainty, regardless if it is in your personal life, political, about your job, or your family, don't make me apologize for being ok. Don't condemn me for trying so hard to be the best me I can be. Don't make me feel bad for being the happiest I have been in years.

Don't make me apologize for seeing the light.

Peace and Love and full of Thankfulness,
Re