There are times in life that you are given a miracle.. a sign.. sometimes they are little sometimes they are huge. Let me tell you the story about Kittum and Deanna. Kittum was Deanna's kitten from the day she was saved out of crab pot by Carlton. Kittum obviously had a wild streak in her from the start and you couldn't slow her down. She was found not in the outside crabpot of the stack but way in the middle where you had to pull half of them down to just reach her.

For some reason Carlton decided to take this one home (I was at work in Northern Va at the time by the way) all I heard was I have a surprise for you. Well having a kitten when I got home was definitely a surprise, but she was so cute and Deanna already loved her that we kept her.

Now Kittum she loves a few things.. sleeping and eating being the main two.. and a snuggle when SHE wants it... know anyone else like this? I am not saying my daughter was lazy but I promise you she never missed a good nap and a yummy munchie

When De lived with me Kittum was usually found snuggled somewhere she was, on her bed, by her chair, on the sofa... after the accident she slept in her bed for weeks. It was sad to watch her, it was as if Kittum knew something had shifted that De wasn't coming home. I don't know how a cat could know these things but she definitely acted that way. She didn't eat as much.. slowly losing weight so that now she is very tiny. Its not that the food isn't there, it is she has just lost something about herself.

Well last week she got out.. with in 5 minutes she was home. The next day she got out (she found the trick.. scoot out while my hands were full) she came back 10 minutes later.. the following day OUT AGAIN.. 5 minutes later she was back. The fourth and final day she sat at the door and cried, wanting badly to be let out, I looked at her and said.. ok but you have to come right back. That was roughly 6 days ago now. I was worried but much like De.. she was given and inch and she was going to take a mile

Yes I was worried but she kept leaving signs she was close by, so I didn't worry A LOT.. just some. Deanna was much the same when she was with Anita Cecil.. her Mommy 3 or my Mom. I worried but she left me just enough signs that she was ok and that she was around. I let her live her life the way she wanted and needed. I remember being that age.. I ran away umpteen times and I swore I would not put my children through that no matter how bad it hurt I let her life her life as she wanted unless it was going to cause her harm. A bit unconventional yes but so is talking to a cat and giving them a curfew.

So last night as I took Banx out to walk I swiped my eyes around and peaked my ears to listen for any sign of Kittum ... nothing. I tilted my head up to the stars,as I do at night, to talk to De and I said "De keep her safe with you or bring her home." This morning what should appear on my deck rail but Kittum.

She did not arrive quietly begging forgiveness. She arrived with a know it all attitude that shouted.. I am HERE.. LET ME IN NOW. She pranced her way into the house and sat right down and loudly Meowed at me for a good 10 minutes, as I retrieved her food dish from outside washed it and put in new food, calmed the dog down and got him food, and got her food back to it's normal spot. She promptly went to eat and as soon as she was done, she pranced herself over to her brothers bed, strectched and curled up quietly to sleep. Banx was out of his mind with attitude.. "Bark Bark Bark.. she is in my bed!!! Bark Bark Bark.. MOM she is annoying me. Bark Bark Bark.. Put her back out!!!"

Me with my never ending Mommy talents shooed Banx away from the sleeping Kittum saying she needed her rest, that's right you winner you .. praise the one that has been out roaming all week

So for those of you that knew De on a personal level you can relate.. Would she leave home for 5 days? yup.. Would she come back ask for something to eat in a loud and cheerful way with no word of being gone? yup.. Would she annoy the crap out of her brother with it? yup

So you see, this morning I can hear Deanna in heaven laughing and asking "Mom ... did you really think I would leave you? I am close. I am here." Because as long as that cat is living her ways live on.

Much love to you De.. much much love.. Mommy needed this.
I love you.

Several ways to know you are an Outer Banks Bootcamps bootcamper aka a play by play of my last 8 hours.
1. You are awake at 11:35 thinking... I need to be up in 4 hours and 55 minutes. Still not sleepy
2. You are still awake because you are restless an hour later.
3. Your alarm still goes off 3 hours and 55 minutes later.
4. You lay in bed until 5 contemplating the meaning of running and why on earth you think it may be a good idea at 5:30 and discover that you are really fond of your blankie and wish you could take it with you for maybe nap Bootcamp day on the beach.
5. 5:05 you get up .. sadly leaving blankie behind because you are awake already and won't go back to sleep and only lay there wish you had gone because you are awake and realize that your blankie is not helping you get anywhere.
6. Talk to the dog for 5 minutes explaining that yes you are insane and that yes he has to go out and go potty at 5:10 am because Mommy is a moron and she got out of bed untangling him from the blankie in the process.
7. 5:15 you are in the car..
8. 5:20 you are greeted lovingly by other bootcamp members
9. 5:25 decide to put on your shoes because at this point you really haven't fully committed even though you are there.
10. 5:30 you are greeted lovingly by the log you are about to pull down the beach for an hour and a half.. I named mine.. ($W%#%$#%#$#)
11. 5:40 your arch of your right foot feels like it is on fire.. new shoes all weekend may not be a good thing on Monday morning.
12. 5:45 keep going anyway and everything else starts hurting so your foot doesn't bother you so bad
13: 5:50 lose your shit and start crying because your lost your son, you lost your daughter, you lost everything that you worked so hard for in a matter of months and now you are out there in the back (not that the back is a bad place to be) realizing that you wasted 4 months of life that your babies didn't even get to have because you missed them so badly, and you feel like everything else is falling apart around you and you can't manage to stick it back together.
14. Fellow bootcamper runs along side asking if I was ok.. even after she loaned my boys her husband last night on Father's Day (thank you again Brant)
15. Suck it up and keep going even though you are going slow and seriously trying not to have a full on anxiety attack.
16. I really don't remember what happened next.
17. You are stung by a jelly fish that isn't even supposed to be out there before 7 am.
18. You have swallowed enough salt water that.. well .. never mind we won't go into how that will turn out.
19. You are supposed to be swimming parallel to the shore but instead see the pretty light and decide to swim to it.. (hey that is the only way I figure I got way out there..) You don't panic you just go back in..
20. You get your log lovingly known as ($%@##%@$#$#) and lug it all the way back to the gym.
21. You get encouraging words from your fellow campers and your coach even though you are last...
22. An out door show that burned the crap out of the jelly fish sting but felt oh soooo good.
23. you now sit here with a cup of coffee and a protein shake thinking now THAT is how I want to start my week!
CURVY UNICORN ON MY FRIENDS!

This is Alexa.. and this is the link to her website Alexa's Hug..

I have not had an easy weekend.. not at all. Here are the words I posted this morning in regards to this.

Good Morning All. Yesterday this was sent to me. I had not heard of it before I researched the internet before creating Deanna's Project as I did not want to do something that was already being done, I found nothing, and honestly it broke my heart for multiple reasons. 1. I felt like I failed Deanna and I didn't get her story out far enough, I didn't use her accident to save as many people as I could have. 2. for the mom and dad of this beautiful girl who lost her life in such a similar way as my my baby girl.

But today I realize that, Deanna's Hugs have reached those that have needed it, her friends and family have spread the word to others, kids I have never met know about my sweet girl and remind their parents to put on their Deanna Hugs. This was not the calling.. this was not the project God wanted me on full time. What does give me some small bit of peace is that Alexa's Hugs are saving more.

Still on the search of the purpose... Please God show me. My heart doesn't have many more cracks it can make.

May God Bless her family.. especially her par