Mom gave me this super awesome card yesterday and I am going to share it with you all because it makes for the perfect post for today.
"How to turn 50"
Look back and marvel at how far you've come
(I see that it is taking me extra time to get as far as I once did... I kid I kid. Seriously I do still feel the same as I did at 30 or 40. I can only attribute that to eating right and working out because 6 months ago I felt 162! I get that I am not those ages and certainly some things change but I am feeling great. But how far have I come really? There are days that I am still stumped at life as I was at 15, so I am not sure that I have come very far, but are we supposed to come far or are we supposed to learn to live where we are? Such ponderings from an old woman.)
Act old enough to know better, but young enough not to care
(Dance in the rain! Just because we may know better or thing better doesn't mean it is the better choice. Let loose, love the life you are living and take the time to enjoy it. Ugly cry sometimes, it completely cleanses you. Enjoy the cocktails with your friends because even if you get super silly, they are your friends bet they have seen you super silly before! When you stop and ask if you should do something and the answer is .. ahh I better not... every once in a while say screw it and do it anyway! It keeps us young!)
Make a list of 50 things you are thankful for.
My Ed, I would not even want to think of living another year much less 50 more without him.
Brother in Law
Other brother 2.
Sister in Law
That my immediate family looks a little crazier than most
I am thankful that I am sitting here thinking that my extended family is really my immediate family and I am struggling with naming them all but the list would be too long, now that is something to be soooo thankful for.
I knew all of my grandparents and they each taught me things that I carry with me today.
I have the sweetest nephews and nieces in the world... even the fuzzy ones.
I am thankful for my Amanda the bestest friend! I wouldn't be here without her, she filled some of the hardest nights with her heart and i am so grateful for all that she has been and continues to be to me.
My friends are vast and even though mentally I would want a small circle the wide circle is full of such amazing loving people that it feels good to be part of them.
I have my ride or die and bonus kid! Life would not be ok without them.
I had the ability to write and deliver final messages for two of the most amazing women I have ever known.
I am thankful I love the sunset as much as a sunrise
Ohh that I am a great cook!
I am thankful that at 50 my parents are still with me.
I am thankful that even though losing them was so hard that I had Deanna and Little Dustin in my life.
I am thankful that at 20 I loved someone hard enough that losing them tragically would shake my existence and that today I love them still. Thanks for hanging with me all these years Mel Moo.
29 I have a successful albeit stressful career that has provided for myself and my family
I finally learned to grow things!
I am oddly thankful that I name the wild animals, that my heart is so very big that they are not small, they have meaning, I am thankful that I am the one that is weird enough to bury the crow.
I am thankful for coffee!!!!
That at 50 I am still working out and running (even if it is slow)
I am so thankful for my communities both OBX and Mathews while vastly different they are where I belong
I am thankful for my BFF PA is way too far away but I know you are right there!
I am thankful for Jeeps and how youthful they make you feel when you own one.
For my health.
Oh my goodness!!!! For Banx and Kd!!!! I would not be me without them!
39 That my faith allows me to believe, even if it is different than most.
I can still get lost in a good book.
I am thankful for grief, even if it is the hard terrible kind, it means that you loved the deep wonderful way.
A great therapist!
Dragonflies and pennies... all they represent
Vodka.. I can be thankful for that right?
My words and the power and meaning that they have not only to myself but FOR OTHERS.
47 MY COUSINS! Seriously.. I wasn't going to break that out but have you MET MY FAMILY? You should
48 I have the ability to help people.
49 That I LOVE THIS BIG AND KNOW HOW TO FORGIVE I just may not like you anymore lol
50 That I lived.
Write two notes one to your 20 year old self and one to your 60 year old self.
Hey 20 year old Re,
Hold on to your hat beautiful, life is getting ready to go off the rails! I wish I could warn you. To explain to you that you are worth so much more than you are allowing right now. I wish I could explain to you that his words weren't true, but if I did that would change things and while it is going to be so hard, when you are sitting here at 50 you will miss it. You will miss the nights of what am I going to feed these kids, simply because it means we are all together. I wish I could tell you that you truly were all that they needed, to stand strong, but again that would change who they are and they are amazing. I wish I could explain that you were going to lose them way sooner than you knew but then you would hold on too tight and that wouldn't be fair to them. People are going to hurt you, don't let that stop you, you have so much to offer. I am so sorry I didn't love you more, or even believe in you. I wish I could tell you that it is ok to ask for help, that you weren't just broken and couldn't' be fixed, you just needed some help. I am so so sorry, but I will have to say .. you are going to make it. It's just gonna be so hard, but you will be a wonderful person not in spite of.. .but because of.
Hey 60 year old Re
Don't give up. I hope you see that life isn't about what big thing that you can offer, but in all of those small things that you do every day. I hope you have found peace in that. I hope you are still running .. still taking care of yourself.. you lost yourself for awhile.. I hope you kept searching. You better still be dancing just like no one is watching even though they are! You may want to remind Ed that it has been 20 years now and to marry you already. I hope you find this note tucked inside of your book you finally wrote, I think you will reach millions.. believe in yourself! Hey you.. I love you.. you know that.. and it is still ok to ask for help.
Peace Love and Light
Good lord that was hard.
Anyhoooo here I am at 50 and resetting my intentions to bigger healthy better things. The last few weeks have been a mad house and I just didn't have the time to focus on myself or my own well being, that begins today. So back to the grind, back to the writing, back to my routine, because I have a decade to crush!
Thank you to all that reached out, messages, calls, texts! They were wonderful and meant so much to me.
Peace Love and Light