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Do not give up.

7/29/2020

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Hey guys!
Yesterday was a MUCH better day! Even in the blazing afternoon sun I got my two in with a better pace than the day before with less pain! I noticed something in yesterday’s 2 miles, when I start hurting I tend to drop my shoulders, much like someone will do when defeated and as soon as that happens my entire body collapses in on itself. I made a point to ensure that I was standing straight and held my core and believe it or not it helped a LOT with the shin pain. Our bodies are such dominoes!
I did have the enjoyment of spending the next hour and a half floating around my mom’s pool after the 2 miler which was GLORIOUS! It almost makes me one to get one… almost. (I have no where to put one so that cant’ even be a thought… well there IS the front yard here…. But that would look bad. No no no no pool!... oh night time pool dips… NO NO NO NO POOL)
Today I am going to maybe NOT do 2 miles. I have 4.5 to finish up the July challenge so I will do 2 Thursday and 2.5 Friday. Saturday starts the August 60 mile challenge and I will kick it off with a 5 miler! May as well start at the stong!
For those worried about my health. I promise I am fine. The ticker is not going nuts when working out at all. It is just as likely to happen with me sitting here typing. I know it’s weird, but the dr assured me that neither my weight, my workouts, or anything else for that matter was making the issue happen. (well there may have been a little mention about stress but we won’t go deep into that)
Today is another new day and I am already signed up for a 9 am Y class… looking forward to the torture!
As always thanks for the love guys.
Love and Peace.
Re
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What was that??

7/28/2020

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What was that???
Ok I am going to take a few minutes and write. The vlogging thing is cool and all and yes I will continue to because it does give me an added layer of accountability to myself, but writing it just where it is at for me.
Just like running I set it aside and it is hard to get started again. I need not do that. Just like with running I get rusty and my head gets in the way. I REALLY need to get online and clean up my blog but I don’t have a personal computer here with me. (working on getting it here as I type this)
So WHAT was that craziness yesterday. It was more than I can say with my voice. So as some of you saw my day started out kinda nuts with the Jeep battery deciding it was just done being a battery. Fast forward to I went to Advanced in Gloucester and the man replacing my battery completely ripped another piece of my Jeep breaking it and then telling me he supposed I would need to get a piece of tape and when I said the part was not broken when I got there, replied with.. “Well you were the one that wanted your battery changed.” That did absolutely nothing for my mood. Nothing good anyway.
This little adventure put me back at work 2 hours after I had originally planned, which throws me into a tail spin of “OMG I AM BEHIND” Nevermind that I worked 6 hours over the weekend so I wouldn’t be behind. (I am still behind after working until 8 pm last night.. I am in a perpetual state of behindness I do not know why I let this bother me anymore)
At 3:30 yesterday I finally had a little break that I could get my 2 miles in (errrr 1.5) it was HOT as blazes, the heat coming off of the road was unbelievable, pair that with one shin that doesn’t want to cooperate some days, my mood from the morning, and the fact that I quit drinking again a week ago and you have the recipe for DISASTER. My brain starts swirling and unfortunately it doesn’t go anywhere good. Things flood my mind like when I ran the half in 2 and a half hours on a whim, and then I think back to when that was, and I realize for 7 and a half years I have been a DISASTER and then I think how Deanna would not be proud… you see how this rabbit hole goes right? It just keeps going and going and going. From why am I doing this, to what am I even doing in Mathews, to I just need a good running coach, to no coach would take me on.. I am telling you RABBIT. HOLE. What you don’t know or normally see is that this normal for me. That display of emotion happens when I am pushing through where I am currently. It doesn’t mean I will quit, it doesn’t mean I am looking for a way out, it just simply means it is a mud puddle I have to jump over or run through. It also doesn’t mean it was all running related, yes I DO want to run again I have tried this walking thing and being behind thing and it DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. I have tried it for too long hence the trouble getting kick started.
Some of the issue yesterday was my weight, it is a constant struggle for me. Why because I love carbs, and carbs love me and they don’t want to leave! I know better! Good money was spent LEARNING better. I am not supposed to do gluten or carby things and well.. hello. Food. Really not supposed to dairy either but come on CHEESE! So yes that played into yesterday’s hissy fit. I want to be “normal”. I get so frustrated I look at my mom and dad both being of small nature and I think WHERE DID I EVEN COME FROM! (Aunt Ann.. I know I know ) Anyhoo, I know to run better I have to eat better and seriously HYDRATE better! I know this things, I just need to put them in action.
There were of course other things filling this old mind, but they aren’t worth yammering about. Life is what it is, no amount of begging and pleading will make it change, so sometimes you just have to accept where you are and enjoy Holland because this definitely isn’t Italy.
Now for the rest of the story that I didn’t bother telling anyone yesterday. In my head by the time I finished that 1.5 horrific miles what I had done yesterday morning didn’t count. Which was absolutely ridiculous!!! I had already been to the Y and completed a HIIT Class with some chick that Hope told me I would like… she lied. I didn’t like her at ALL! Which also means her class was AMAZING!!!!! I really took the time to focus on performing the moves correctly and with modification when needed. I tried to focus on keeping my core tight. I started with heavier hand weights and moved down as I saw I could not correctly perform the moves. That is a win ya’ll. I was drenched when I left and felt good about the work I had put in.
I thank you all for your words yesterday every one of them helped. I promise you it did! Today is a new day, a better day! Tomorrow is even better than that! My new shoes will be here!!!!
Much love and peace!
Re
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Accountability

7/3/2020

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A year ago I was on vacation. I was fat unhappy and just miserable with myself. I had a plan a very expensive plan but a plan none the less. I started that plan shortly after vacation and in 3 months I dropped a ton of inches fast forward holidays, Covid, depression and I am right back where I started but I also managed to lose my fitness this go around. Yay me. I suck lol. Not to mention I honestly do not believe that was a lifestyle change that I could maintain forever. I was supposed to but no cheese? How the heck???
Anyhoo here I am on vacation again and fairly miserable with myself and my health. But it’s ok!!!!
I have a plan! I have people who love and support me and are is going to get this thing done.
I just have to do a few things differently.
1. Find a healthy lifestyle I can get behind and maintain.
2. Regain the fitness milestones I lost.
3. Explore yoga! My flex is GONE!
4. Work on my workout form! I have used my stupid knees as an excuse too long!
5. Have a goal for November (half marathon) and one for February (will find another half) so when the darkness comes as it always does there are goals that still have to be met!
6. Change my mind set about food and myself. Food is no doubt an addiction for me. I eat just to eat. I eat because I am happy sad mad everything!!!! It’s food every day all day. This has to END.
So there it is. Laid out. Starting over. Black and White. I have to do this for me.
What does that mean for you. Starting July 13th you have to rewatch my journey start all over again.
A dear friend reminded me last night that social media is a good accountability tool and as soon as I stop posting my steps and progress I have a tendency to just forget it all and throw it out the window. So if you have no desire to watch, read or see there is a handy dandy hide for 30 or even an unfollow
Oh and before you go and say well why not start today. I will tell you why. I have worked so much in the last 3 months that my 12 day vacation cost me 0. As in I am not using any vacation time. I am not willing to forgo chips and salsa and wine on vacation!!! Hahahahahaha
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