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Happy Birthday Drake!

8/27/2020

Happy birthday to my baby boy! I love you to the moon and back!!!! You make me so proud to be your mama! This year has been different than expected in so many ways but you stepped right up to all of the challenges. Even though somethings aren’t on my time you still manage to handle it all. Hope your 23rd year brings you much love and happiness. Always stay humble and kind.
(We May have had to stay in for the Covid but we at least got the mandatory birthday hat pic in!!!!)

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Feeling kinda sad today.

8/7/2020

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Feeling kinda sad today.. really kinda mad.
I don't want to miss you today... I want you right here instead.
But looking around the world today.. maybe we would all be better off dead.
I'm mad today. I am mad that I can't just go lock myself in my room. Lock all of the world away. I'm mad today.
I'm sad today. I am sad that I can't pull myself together. Just do the right thing, Eat the right thing. Lose the weight. See my girl. Run the mile Change the wrong. Been a better mom. Stopped that day. I'm sad today.
Looking around the world today. There is so much hate. You used to be my friend. You can hate me, it's ok I hate me too. I still miss you. We need more love. More support. More unity. More honesty. More forgiveness. Looking around the world today, I think I would rather be dead today.
Yea the morbs have hit. (those that know know) I can't help it. I don't want to be in a crap place but I am. I have no real reason to be. I am typical white girl spoiled. Probably more so than most. There is not a lot out there I want that I can't simply just go get, except my child. That has to be the biggest "except" in the world. I read a story not long ago about a Swan, she had a nest, some asshats destroyed it and threw her eggs, leaving the destruction for her to find or even witness. The Swan... she grieved herself to death. To Death. A Swan. Yet here I am expected to go on. Not just me.... but so many countless others, others, I have to call us generic tearns there is no name for us, I have wondered why before, and have only come to the conclusion that there is no word to describe this amount of pain and heart ache.
People think I am strong, oh if you only knew. This isn't strong, it doesn't feel strong. It feels like a lie. It feels like deceit. It feels like betrayal, in a form that I don't know how to describe. I am betraying the memory of my girl and honesty to those in front of me with fake smiles and continuous "I'm Ok"s. I can't even follow Reba's advice anymore .. you know.. "to thine ownself be true"
I'll be Okay
Peace and Love
Re

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Happy Birthday Drake!

Feeling kinda sad today.

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