I don't want to miss you today... I want you right here instead.
But looking around the world today.. maybe we would all be better off dead.
I'm mad today. I am mad that I can't just go lock myself in my room. Lock all of the world away. I'm mad today.
I'm sad today. I am sad that I can't pull myself together. Just do the right thing, Eat the right thing. Lose the weight. See my girl. Run the mile Change the wrong. Been a better mom. Stopped that day. I'm sad today.
Looking around the world today. There is so much hate. You used to be my friend. You can hate me, it's ok I hate me too. I still miss you. We need more love. More support. More unity. More honesty. More forgiveness. Looking around the world today, I think I would rather be dead today.
Yea the morbs have hit. (those that know know) I can't help it. I don't want to be in a crap place but I am. I have no real reason to be. I am typical white girl spoiled. Probably more so than most. There is not a lot out there I want that I can't simply just go get, except my child. That has to be the biggest "except" in the world. I read a story not long ago about a Swan, she had a nest, some asshats destroyed it and threw her eggs, leaving the destruction for her to find or even witness. The Swan... she grieved herself to death. To Death. A Swan. Yet here I am expected to go on. Not just me.... but so many countless others, others, I have to call us generic tearns there is no name for us, I have wondered why before, and have only come to the conclusion that there is no word to describe this amount of pain and heart ache.
People think I am strong, oh if you only knew. This isn't strong, it doesn't feel strong. It feels like a lie. It feels like deceit. It feels like betrayal, in a form that I don't know how to describe. I am betraying the memory of my girl and honesty to those in front of me with fake smiles and continuous "I'm Ok"s. I can't even follow Reba's advice anymore .. you know.. "to thine ownself be true"
I'll be Okay
Peace and Love