The last time I talked to you I remember the whole conversation. It was a very mature conversation where we discussed options for after the summer. And me stating all the reasons why I thought you staying on here in OBX after the summer was a great option, I knew there were many more opportunities for you here. The problem is I don't remember the end of the conversation, I don't know if I said I love you, I don't know if you said I love you too. I don't remember hanging up. Why is it that I can't remember the most important words and actions. I can't seem to remember living memories, only photographs in my mind. I can't hear your voice. I have tired. The very things I need to hold on to I can't seem to find.
Since I came home I have been tough, I haven't cried much, been a walking disaster but no tears. I keep telling myself I have to hold it together I have to be tough, I have to be strong. That no one needs to see me break. Today I can't stop. I just want to hear "I love you Mommy" even if it's a memory.
To those of you reading this today.. I beg you.. even if you have already, say it every day, annoy them with it, are mad, upset, or haven't spoken to your kid for years.. call them! Tell them you love them and remind them to get their Deanna Hug.
Much Love to you all