So do you know what happens when you stop dreaming? You don't care, that is what happens. You let everything become ho hum and hum drum and sometimes you allow things to continue to happen to you that you should have put a stop to years ago but you just let it continue because quite frankly you have no plan on being around much longer to have to deal with it. Then one day you wake up and realize that contrary to what you believed just a few short months ago.. here you are still here, still living and all of a sudden you have a dream.

Well if that isn't just the scariest thing ever.

Especially since here I now stand with a dream in one hand and huge mess in the other hand of all the years I wasted and allowed others to walk all over me. Believe me when I tell you that doing what you think it is right can and will come back and bite you in the rear end. It is another whole situation of putting on your own oxygen mask before assisting someone else. Just so happened this situation the people just kept taking my air over and over and I allowed it. For a VERY LONG TIME, even before life became terrible I allowed it, then after it became terrible I just gave up and allowed the take take take. There is still a mess in that other hand and will be for a long time. Yes I feel like an idiot but it is what it is. I just didn't realize how much some things would matter when I woke up and decided that life truly was not over.

So along comes a dream like a spider who sat down beside her, her being me and no I don't have a muffett or a tuffett or curds and whey, but the spider... errr hmm dream is just about to scare me away! It is frightening. I can't stop thinking of it. I have lined my ducks as straight as I can get them in hopes in a few months the dream could become reality, the scary part comes in with the fact that my ducks always seem to waddle the hell off! It is incredibly terrifying to believe in a dream. To plan a future.. even a few months out. I have had all of my dreams ripped away in a blink of an eye and it nearly took me with it. So the question is how do you do it? How do you put yourself out there again on the ledge and actually jump and believe that it is going to be ok.  The actual fear of failing is so great that it truly makes me want to just throw my hands up and walk away from it, even though it could possibly be what all my dreams for a future could be made of.

Ridiculous right?

So for now I am just going to put one foot in front of the other and pray for a miracle.

Love and Peace
Re