Ok I am going to take a few minutes and write. The vlogging thing is cool and all and yes I will continue to because it does give me an added layer of accountability to myself, but writing it just where it is at for me.
Just like running I set it aside and it is hard to get started again. I need not do that. Just like with running I get rusty and my head gets in the way. I REALLY need to get online and clean up my blog but I don’t have a personal computer here with me. (working on getting it here as I type this)
So WHAT was that craziness yesterday. It was more than I can say with my voice. So as some of you saw my day started out kinda nuts with the Jeep battery deciding it was just done being a battery. Fast forward to I went to Advanced in Gloucester and the man replacing my battery completely ripped another piece of my Jeep breaking it and then telling me he supposed I would need to get a piece of tape and when I said the part was not broken when I got there, replied with.. “Well you were the one that wanted your battery changed.” That did absolutely nothing for my mood. Nothing good anyway.
This little adventure put me back at work 2 hours after I had originally planned, which throws me into a tail spin of “OMG I AM BEHIND” Nevermind that I worked 6 hours over the weekend so I wouldn’t be behind. (I am still behind after working until 8 pm last night.. I am in a perpetual state of behindness I do not know why I let this bother me anymore)
At 3:30 yesterday I finally had a little break that I could get my 2 miles in (errrr 1.5) it was HOT as blazes, the heat coming off of the road was unbelievable, pair that with one shin that doesn’t want to cooperate some days, my mood from the morning, and the fact that I quit drinking again a week ago and you have the recipe for DISASTER. My brain starts swirling and unfortunately it doesn’t go anywhere good. Things flood my mind like when I ran the half in 2 and a half hours on a whim, and then I think back to when that was, and I realize for 7 and a half years I have been a DISASTER and then I think how Deanna would not be proud… you see how this rabbit hole goes right? It just keeps going and going and going. From why am I doing this, to what am I even doing in Mathews, to I just need a good running coach, to no coach would take me on.. I am telling you RABBIT. HOLE. What you don’t know or normally see is that this normal for me. That display of emotion happens when I am pushing through where I am currently. It doesn’t mean I will quit, it doesn’t mean I am looking for a way out, it just simply means it is a mud puddle I have to jump over or run through. It also doesn’t mean it was all running related, yes I DO want to run again I have tried this walking thing and being behind thing and it DOES NOT WORK FOR ME. I have tried it for too long hence the trouble getting kick started.
Some of the issue yesterday was my weight, it is a constant struggle for me. Why because I love carbs, and carbs love me and they don’t want to leave! I know better! Good money was spent LEARNING better. I am not supposed to do gluten or carby things and well.. hello. Food. Really not supposed to dairy either but come on CHEESE! So yes that played into yesterday’s hissy fit. I want to be “normal”. I get so frustrated I look at my mom and dad both being of small nature and I think WHERE DID I EVEN COME FROM! (Aunt Ann.. I know I know ) Anyhoo, I know to run better I have to eat better and seriously HYDRATE better! I know this things, I just need to put them in action.
There were of course other things filling this old mind, but they aren’t worth yammering about. Life is what it is, no amount of begging and pleading will make it change, so sometimes you just have to accept where you are and enjoy Holland because this definitely isn’t Italy.
Now for the rest of the story that I didn’t bother telling anyone yesterday. In my head by the time I finished that 1.5 horrific miles what I had done yesterday morning didn’t count. Which was absolutely ridiculous!!! I had already been to the Y and completed a HIIT Class with some chick that Hope told me I would like… she lied. I didn’t like her at ALL! Which also means her class was AMAZING!!!!! I really took the time to focus on performing the moves correctly and with modification when needed. I tried to focus on keeping my core tight. I started with heavier hand weights and moved down as I saw I could not correctly perform the moves. That is a win ya’ll. I was drenched when I left and felt good about the work I had put in.
I thank you all for your words yesterday every one of them helped. I promise you it did! Today is a new day, a better day! Tomorrow is even better than that! My new shoes will be here!!!!
Much love and peace!