By lighter.. I certainly do not mean my weight, that has sky rocketed. Yay me.. not. I am talking about my mood. I seem to be in a bit of a brighter lighter place. I think I see a light at the end of the darkness... it could be a train.. but for now we are just going to go towards the light.
I have actually gotten out of the house every day this week, even Saturday if you count the trip to the ER (bad reaction to a new med all is fine) but that actually means I managed to:
1. Get out of bed.
2. Work because yes I still work
3. Get dressed.. getting out of jammies is not easy.
4. Did not move directly from work to recliner, sofa, bed..
5. Actually got in my vehicle and went and did things with people.
6. One day ran 7 miles (I haven't run since I really hate running.
7. I have been to the gym and lifted weights twice and plan on going again tonight (even though my body is revolting)
8. I went to dinner and a movie.
The bottom line is I am doing things. I am not just breathing which was all I could do for awhile. Now I guess the next thing is to see about cleaning this house.. GOOD GRIEF. It may take me a year to just get it back to normal, but one thing at a time I suppose. It may also take me getting some help around here which isn't handed out lightly... you kinda have to BEG for it then wait them you because they are going to try to wait you out. There is so much that NEEDS to be done and no one seems to be doing any of it. (I get panicked just thinking about it.. derailed again and that is how quick my mind can go back down the rabbit hole)
I know if I have said it once I have said it 37 times sleep is an issue with me. I have a hard time getting to sleep, I have a hard time staying asleep, and it seems my best sleeps are between 3 and 6. Which really kinda stinks because in order to do bootcamp I have to be up by 430. I tried that for awhile. I ended up a complete zombie. I am hoping that come Bootcamp Plus time (because yes my ass is super Plus size) I will figure it all out and manage to get to sleep before 3 am. See that me up there in that picture.. I want some of her back. She thought she was incredibly fat... I KNOW I am. DAMN IT.. BRIGHT LIGHT BRIGHT LIGHT..
Anyway I was TRYING to say I thought I was doing better but after writing this maybe not. Guess the only thing to do is keep trying.
I have absolutely no idea what I was even trying to say here so if you are confused.. don't worry.. It's me not you.
President of the Pro Bailers Signing Out.
Re
Edit: as I was writing the email to send this out this came out and it makes so much sense "I have zero clue where I was even going with my post today I ended up so derailed.
Which is probably a lot of what keeps me rooted in this rabbit hole. I can't look at just one little thing that is right without all the other things crowding in..
Hope everyone is having a good day.. Please send a maid, a laundress, a gardener, a cook (so I will stop eating everything in sight)"
I have actually gotten out of the house every day this week, even Saturday if you count the trip to the ER (bad reaction to a new med all is fine) but that actually means I managed to:
1. Get out of bed.
2. Work because yes I still work
3. Get dressed.. getting out of jammies is not easy.
4. Did not move directly from work to recliner, sofa, bed..
5. Actually got in my vehicle and went and did things with people.
6. One day ran 7 miles (I haven't run since I really hate running.
7. I have been to the gym and lifted weights twice and plan on going again tonight (even though my body is revolting)
8. I went to dinner and a movie.
The bottom line is I am doing things. I am not just breathing which was all I could do for awhile. Now I guess the next thing is to see about cleaning this house.. GOOD GRIEF. It may take me a year to just get it back to normal, but one thing at a time I suppose. It may also take me getting some help around here which isn't handed out lightly... you kinda have to BEG for it then wait them you because they are going to try to wait you out. There is so much that NEEDS to be done and no one seems to be doing any of it. (I get panicked just thinking about it.. derailed again and that is how quick my mind can go back down the rabbit hole)
I know if I have said it once I have said it 37 times sleep is an issue with me. I have a hard time getting to sleep, I have a hard time staying asleep, and it seems my best sleeps are between 3 and 6. Which really kinda stinks because in order to do bootcamp I have to be up by 430. I tried that for awhile. I ended up a complete zombie. I am hoping that come Bootcamp Plus time (because yes my ass is super Plus size) I will figure it all out and manage to get to sleep before 3 am. See that me up there in that picture.. I want some of her back. She thought she was incredibly fat... I KNOW I am. DAMN IT.. BRIGHT LIGHT BRIGHT LIGHT..
Anyway I was TRYING to say I thought I was doing better but after writing this maybe not. Guess the only thing to do is keep trying.
I have absolutely no idea what I was even trying to say here so if you are confused.. don't worry.. It's me not you.
President of the Pro Bailers Signing Out.
Re
Edit: as I was writing the email to send this out this came out and it makes so much sense "I have zero clue where I was even going with my post today I ended up so derailed.
Which is probably a lot of what keeps me rooted in this rabbit hole. I can't look at just one little thing that is right without all the other things crowding in..
Hope everyone is having a good day.. Please send a maid, a laundress, a gardener, a cook (so I will stop eating everything in sight)"
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