Over the last week I have really struggled with distancing myself from work. There is this one thing that I absolutely have to do every morning and usually I end up glancing through emails and I have taken a few calls. I still feel like I am being very unfair to my work team. Which is so confusing, I almost wrote comical but there is nothing funny about it. Eight years ago I allowed myself 5 days away from work when the accident happened, 5 days, to process and put away the absolute destruction of my entire world. I remember wanting to take longer, I remember reading in forums and groups of mothers who had taken weeks, months, etc to just heal and I was envious. I wanted that extra time then, it felt ok to take the time at the time because I had a good valid reason, but I also remember hearing, "You need to get back to your routine" and "It won't do you any good to take off the time it will make you worse" and my favorite yet "I don't know how you think you will do that you have bills". So I did not take the time, I still to this day have not taken the time. Even when on vacation I have my computer close by, I take the calls, and I do a few little things, but why? Absolute fear they won't need me, or they will see that it is easier without me, because we wear our burn out like a badge of honor these days, and that needs to stop. This time though it is a bit different.
It sounds absolutely ridiculous to say "Hey, you know those things that happened 11 and 8 years ago? Yea well I need to take care of those now. I need to work through my grief". How do you even go about saying that, when you have prided yourself on working insane amounts of hours and are expected to be the yes girl? Lets think about it for a moment. Can any one you think of a loved one you lost that in the first few days after passing you actually dealt with it? Or was it a month, a year, or some time later that it full on hit you like a freight train? Why does it seem so abnormal to be able to state, I am really grieving right now and I need some time away? Yet it is just fine to say "Hey I was skateboarding the other day and fell and broke my leg, I will be out for 3 weeks" and just like that .. poof they are gone. We have absolutely got to normalize mental health, there should be no stigma attached, but oh the lovely media has a field day with stories don't they?
When we hear bipolar (using this diagnosis just because I know a thing or two about it) we have been trained by media to think of someone frantically doing things in a manic episode to a total crash and the inability to move in a depressive episode. That is just absolutely not the case, sure maybe to the extreme but most of us live pretty normal and high functioning lives. Manic episodes look more like, cleaning like crazy (maybe turning all the food cans in one direction in alphabetic order) filling our calendars so full that we have 0 down time, becoming obsessed over something, it could be a knitting project, it could be a deck spring clean, we could take on the work of 2 people at work because we can't say no, we may spend too much money, but to someone who does not live with us daily, you likely would not even notice the episode. A true depressive episode looks more like exhaustion that anything else, the house may not be as clean as it was, the laundry may be unfolded and just thrown about in piles, our hair may be a bit of a mess, we may not stick to a work out routine because it feels so sluggy, but most of us keep right on trying to do the majority of what we do on a normal basis, we go to work, we do the best we can to keep up with everything but it does feel overwhelming but again to someone who does not live with us on a daily, we look lazy. Why is it not ok to even talk about this?
There are many theories on the matter but mine is quite simple. Mental health institutions were abused and over run by cases that simply didn't not belong there, your wife read too much, institutionalize her. Your son can't learn to read, institutionalize him. I have a list somewhere of all of the things that you could have someone involuntarily committed for and it was absolutely ridiculous. It should have just read, have someone in your life you want to get rid of, we have an open cot and some torture waiting! It was bad enough they were over run by patients that didn't belong there, but with the lack of resources to care for these humans, they were treated in such ways that drove them quite mad, experiments and lobotomies and horrors that you just would not believe were performed on housewives that did not want to have children or your old boss who had an affair. So eventually they were shut down one by one, only one little problem, there were people who truly needed help, Opp so sorry, can't help you. We threw the pendulum so far to the other side that instead of it being normal to "get help" that there just was no help to get.
Trust me, I get it those hospitals and doctors were a horror, but instead of closing the doors, we should have looked at what exactly was needed and reformed. Allowed for those that needed specialized care to receive it in caring setting, allowed for others that simply needed a reset and a help over the hump to be able to freely express where they were mentally as normal as it is to say "Hey I broke my leg".
It should be quite normal for me to say, "This grief thing, I really need to face it and work through it, and reset my heart, my mind, and my body, it is time, I am ready." We should be able to ask for help and take the time without fear. Why have we made this so abnormal?
Signing off today with this, this post went absolutely no where I thought it was so just take it for what it is and have a beautiful Friday!
Peace Love and Light
Re
It sounds absolutely ridiculous to say "Hey, you know those things that happened 11 and 8 years ago? Yea well I need to take care of those now. I need to work through my grief". How do you even go about saying that, when you have prided yourself on working insane amounts of hours and are expected to be the yes girl? Lets think about it for a moment. Can any one you think of a loved one you lost that in the first few days after passing you actually dealt with it? Or was it a month, a year, or some time later that it full on hit you like a freight train? Why does it seem so abnormal to be able to state, I am really grieving right now and I need some time away? Yet it is just fine to say "Hey I was skateboarding the other day and fell and broke my leg, I will be out for 3 weeks" and just like that .. poof they are gone. We have absolutely got to normalize mental health, there should be no stigma attached, but oh the lovely media has a field day with stories don't they?
When we hear bipolar (using this diagnosis just because I know a thing or two about it) we have been trained by media to think of someone frantically doing things in a manic episode to a total crash and the inability to move in a depressive episode. That is just absolutely not the case, sure maybe to the extreme but most of us live pretty normal and high functioning lives. Manic episodes look more like, cleaning like crazy (maybe turning all the food cans in one direction in alphabetic order) filling our calendars so full that we have 0 down time, becoming obsessed over something, it could be a knitting project, it could be a deck spring clean, we could take on the work of 2 people at work because we can't say no, we may spend too much money, but to someone who does not live with us daily, you likely would not even notice the episode. A true depressive episode looks more like exhaustion that anything else, the house may not be as clean as it was, the laundry may be unfolded and just thrown about in piles, our hair may be a bit of a mess, we may not stick to a work out routine because it feels so sluggy, but most of us keep right on trying to do the majority of what we do on a normal basis, we go to work, we do the best we can to keep up with everything but it does feel overwhelming but again to someone who does not live with us on a daily, we look lazy. Why is it not ok to even talk about this?
There are many theories on the matter but mine is quite simple. Mental health institutions were abused and over run by cases that simply didn't not belong there, your wife read too much, institutionalize her. Your son can't learn to read, institutionalize him. I have a list somewhere of all of the things that you could have someone involuntarily committed for and it was absolutely ridiculous. It should have just read, have someone in your life you want to get rid of, we have an open cot and some torture waiting! It was bad enough they were over run by patients that didn't belong there, but with the lack of resources to care for these humans, they were treated in such ways that drove them quite mad, experiments and lobotomies and horrors that you just would not believe were performed on housewives that did not want to have children or your old boss who had an affair. So eventually they were shut down one by one, only one little problem, there were people who truly needed help, Opp so sorry, can't help you. We threw the pendulum so far to the other side that instead of it being normal to "get help" that there just was no help to get.
Trust me, I get it those hospitals and doctors were a horror, but instead of closing the doors, we should have looked at what exactly was needed and reformed. Allowed for those that needed specialized care to receive it in caring setting, allowed for others that simply needed a reset and a help over the hump to be able to freely express where they were mentally as normal as it is to say "Hey I broke my leg".
It should be quite normal for me to say, "This grief thing, I really need to face it and work through it, and reset my heart, my mind, and my body, it is time, I am ready." We should be able to ask for help and take the time without fear. Why have we made this so abnormal?
Signing off today with this, this post went absolutely no where I thought it was so just take it for what it is and have a beautiful Friday!
Peace Love and Light
Re
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