Good Morning All!
Wow yesterday.. just wow. So as you guys know I mentioned reading Fit Gurl and the further I read yesterday I as completely floored and mildly freaked out that she was using the exact same language I have over the last few days. I have posted some photos of just a few of the things she wrote that jumped out at me as things I was referring to in my previous posts or spindles. I have to say, if you are even remotely considering going to the gym or getting healthy BUY THE BOOK. Even if you are not in a place that you can perform some of the harder core exercises that she provides guidelines for I can PROMISE YOU that the first 44 pages are worth the purchase alone. (paper back will not be out until May, I am preordering because I see this book making many trips to the gym with me)
One of the things that she asked in the last few pages I read last night was for the readers to take a photo of themselves as a before, boom already done on Saturday, the other was to find a photo of yourself that you HATED and say one positive thing about yourself that you SEE in that photo. That part I neglected doing. "My nails look nice" ok ok ok I don't think that is what she meant, but if I had to go back and say something and it is hard to find anything I find positive, I would have to say I truly have little issue with my legs, even after a large gain and a long time of non use they are still pretty darn powerful. Check done.
You may be wondering why I am posting so early today, simple, in pondering all of the things I have done "wrong" over the last year a huge no no for me, was self drowning myself in work. It was my doing, my choice. I literally woke up in the morning and before I even turned on the coffee pot I would log into work! Many days that is exactly where I would stay for 10 to 12 hours. Not good! For one thing that is so incredibly physically damaging, for another the mental damage is OUTSTANDING. There was absolutely no "Me Time". Before Covid and my semi move to Mathews... no no no I don't live here I am just here all the time... most days started with my friends doing some work out, even if I was only half heartedly in it, and then off to coffee. This has been a constant in my life for almost almost 9 years, some periods of time I was there more frequently other randomly but nonetheless it was "me time", I completely took that away from myself! In thinking last week of where I made the wrong turns, I knew stopping writing was one of them, then I realized my morning time was another. So I made a conscious decision that I would stop sleeping until 7 - 7:30 every morning and I would set an alarm *gasp* for 6 and spend at least an hour with myself before beginning my day. I plan to spend that time, reading, writing, and sipping my coffee. So good morning my coffee drinking friends, while we are not sitting around a table at the Front Porch or snuggling with each other's pups at Ashley's here I am drinking coffee with you! I miss you all!!!
The next thing I want to try to include at least once a week is a page from The Boy, the mole, the fox, and the horse, I want to take the time to unpackage the images and their meanings. Today's random image "Tears fall for a reason and they are your Strength not Weakness". Well if that isn't fitting as snuggly as my new workout pants. It is a conditioning, "Big boys don't cry.. we got to be tough" while not completely directed at me, it was something that was heard over and over and over. One of the things I remember being told at Deanna's funeral was to "Stop crying now... when we get home you can cry all you want, but stop crying now." Even as recently as a few months ago, my dad got very angry at me because tears were falling as I made dinner, simply because I was having a bad day. Sitting here typing this, I have to say, the weakness isn't in my tears, the weakness comes in that others (My dad just happened to be a good example for this writing purpose) are uncomfortable with the tears, they don't know how to make it stop and I believe it is instilled in most of us to make it better and if someone is crying, they aren't better. So the shortest route from A to B is the straight line of "TOUGHEN UP QUIT YOUR SNIVELING" instead of "Oh.. hey... are you ok? Would you like to talk about it?" or even better hand them a tissue and rest your hand on their shoulder, knee, etc just so they know you are there. Tears are absolutely NOT weakness, (I find myself sitting up straighter in my chair right nowk, with purpose and understanding) they show emotion, they show love, they show the true grit it takes to still be standing even after something truly horrific happens in our lives. So the next time someone says is put off by your tears, try to remember, that has nothing at all to do with your weakness, and everything to do with theirs. (that took a crazy turn I wasn't expecting) PS I love my dad and the fact he made me tough as nails, so don't get this all twisted
I am going to end Monday's post with a list of the things on the plate for this week in the newly created saga of "Trying to Find Re"
- Ponder the realistic-ambious goal
- Write the self hatred list (more on that tomorrow)
- Get to the gym at least 4 times this week
- Move every day... and not only from the bed to the desk chair
- Spend time with myself every morning.
What are you going to do for YOU this weeK?
Peace love and light,
Re
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