I got rain.... a ton of rain. If this had only been snow I could build snow.. things for days.
Instead rain. You should know that rain does a number on me. It makes me incredibly sad, like the heavens are crying. So I cry. I usually cry a lot. Today on top of crying, I will be sniffling, which you normally do when you cry but today I was sniffling before I cried. I also have a sore throat and my entire body aches.
I needed the snow today. I needed to be able to call into work and say I am taking a day due to snow.. which no one would understand since I work from home. Now I will be squinting a computer screen all day (it actually doesn't feel good to look at it right now). I don't know why I am telling you any of this. No one wants to hear about my cold.
I am sad today. Just very very sad.
I think I want to move again. Somewhere far far away, somewhere it snows, somewhere that I don't have neighbors that can see my yard. Somewhere I can open the door and let the puppies run. Somewhere I am the crazy lady that moved to town that no gets to know. Somewhere that no one can find me. Just somewhere that I can find some sort of peace.
(yes I realize this makes zero sense since the unrest is in my own head but it is just another attempt to just be something if it is only to me)
It is days like this that I don't know who I am. That it feels I am swimming around and around a fish bowl. One side of the fish bowl is bright and sunny and has some happiness, the other side is dark and gloomy and filled with sadness. I am on the dark and gloomy side.
I want to just go back to bed and never wake up. The dream world is just a much nicer place to be, I can dream of snow, I can dream of being happy, I can dream of everything being normal. I can dream of a clean house. I can dream of being in love. I can dream of being a writer. On top of all these lovely things when I start having a nightmare most of the time I realize very quickly I am dreaming and I can shift it to something happy.
Today.. just today I am not ok.
Enjoy your snow other peeps.