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Dragonflies and Feathers

6/27/2013

6 Comments

 
I have been promising this post for awhile now.. I didn't get to it. I kept putting it off. I don't know why I just did. Today is one of the days that I am just sad. Wishing I could talk to De and actually hear her voice, hear her response, hear her say "oh Mommy stop being so sad."  I won't ever hear those words again, not in any earthly sense.

Yesterday was a really rough day at work, I was already upset over some other things in life, but something happened that was not fair to me at all, and I just broke. I cried.. I sobbed... (I work from home so it isn't like my co workers even knew) and moments later I felt arms wrap around me and Drake saying.. "Mom please don't cry it will be ok" Oddly enough, 2 months ago he wouldn't have done that, Drake is a good kid but Deanna was the affectionate one, the hugger, the "It's going to be ok" one, the one that was going to do something silly to make you smile or feel better. Drake was more the "OH LAWD It's a crier, Ain't nobody got time for that!" and run the other direction. Dustin is the very matter a fact one. David will do anything to make you smile through your tears and Lil Dustin.. he is in heaven hugging his sister. My point with this is there has been a shift in Drake, I think that although he is obviously getting older, he is also maturing quicker because he has a role to fill that he didn't have before. He has to be the one to make sure Mom is ok, he has to be the one that hugs me and tells me it is going to be ok now, he has taken on part of the role his sister played and was in my life. So even in day to day activities I see signs of De through Drake, her cat that refuses to leave me alone, and other little things.

Two of my biggest signs were the feathers that I told you about in my last blog post and the dragonfly that landed on my finger and took a ride with Betsy and I for a mile walk down the beach. I know she is here and all around and trying to protect me and doesn't want me sad, but it seems that no matter where I turn these days there is sadness, heartache, and just one more stumbling block, from work, to friends, to running... just everything seems to be falling apart and into more pieces that are just slowly sifting through my fingers and I am never going to be able to put it all back together again.

But I did promise you the story of why the Dragonflies and Feathers mean so much.. so here it is.

Dragonflies have traditionally been one of a select few creatures that have been known to carry a deceased person’s energy (soul) to their loved ones. Contact from one of these simple, yet splendid creatures brings peace to a grieving soul. A light touch reminds us that our loved ones are never that far away, even after death. They also teach us about the brevity of life, as most butterflies live a few hours to a few days. The same is true of the Dragonfly which lives up to a few short months. They also remind us of the beauty within that brevity. For beyond what we cannot see lies beauty as well.

Feathers? If you look above in the photos, there is a little poem that my Aunt Ann mailed to me in a beautiful card, Thank you so much for that. While I cried and cried, I knew that those particular feathers were sent straight to me from De. Aunt Ann I love you and thank you for every moment you have spent trying to help get me through this. I will get there.. just not sure when.

In closing today... I ask that you look around you and be blessed with your life, your friends, your family, your job... it could all change in a blink of an eye.

Much Love to you,
De's Mommy

6 Comments
Kim
6/27/2013 02:01:02 am

HUGS!!!!

Reply
Lisa
6/27/2013 02:10:34 am

I love you the miles and years have done nothing to change that. You asked once for us to tell you about heaven. If we believe in it. I do believe in heaven and I know Deanna is there and she was not alone when she died. We are shown the way I believe by an angel/spirit. To us/the living it is a appears as a shadow but I know we are not alone. Call me sometime and I can better explain but anyway. I have found pennies since I lost my Mom and believe me I know they are from her. How else could a penny end up in the bath tub. I would give anything to take away your pain and feeling of loss. Just know I am thinking of you and give Drake a hug from the first person who held him when he came into this world after momma of course. I was told once a woman with sons is spoiled I know they will surprise you at times.

Reply
Martha Ann
6/27/2013 02:48:42 am

Hi Lisa, Do you have the poem entitled Pennies From Heaven?Will be glad to share it with you.

Reply
AUNT ANN
6/27/2013 02:44:11 am

God will not allow circumstances to overwhelm you, so long as you look to Him.He will help you to cope with whatever the day presents.Trust Him moment by moment.With the help of God,family,friends,dragonflies and feathers you will be a overcomer! You are a inspiration and blessing to so many with your sincere honest feelings while you have journeyed up a steep,rugged path in recent days.I know there are many who thank God for you.Love you Re!!!

Reply
Kate
6/27/2013 03:07:42 am

When you say it feels like it's all falling apart, it reminds me... In my anxiety group this week, we touched on bereavement a little bit. The therapist said that your brain feels so scrambled because you've been forced to accept this new reality, no practice, no warning... so your brain is literally struggling to make new pathways for this new reality you've been thrust into. Not sure if this info will help you, but maybe others will understand better after reading it. ♥ P.S. Your feathers are beautiful, just like Deanna. :)

Reply
Margaret
6/27/2013 03:42:39 am

Always thinking of you! The poem about the feather is beautiful! I wish there was something we could do to make all your pain and sadness go away!!!! I'm so glad you have Drake there with you to give you those HUGS when you need them. I hope it gives you a little bit of comfort to know that others are thinking of you every day and praying for you and your family too. Love you!

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