I have been promising this post for awhile now.. I didn't get to it. I kept putting it off. I don't know why I just did. Today is one of the days that I am just sad. Wishing I could talk to De and actually hear her voice, hear her response, hear her say "oh Mommy stop being so sad." I won't ever hear those words again, not in any earthly sense.
Yesterday was a really rough day at work, I was already upset over some other things in life, but something happened that was not fair to me at all, and I just broke. I cried.. I sobbed... (I work from home so it isn't like my co workers even knew) and moments later I felt arms wrap around me and Drake saying.. "Mom please don't cry it will be ok" Oddly enough, 2 months ago he wouldn't have done that, Drake is a good kid but Deanna was the affectionate one, the hugger, the "It's going to be ok" one, the one that was going to do something silly to make you smile or feel better. Drake was more the "OH LAWD It's a crier, Ain't nobody got time for that!" and run the other direction. Dustin is the very matter a fact one. David will do anything to make you smile through your tears and Lil Dustin.. he is in heaven hugging his sister. My point with this is there has been a shift in Drake, I think that although he is obviously getting older, he is also maturing quicker because he has a role to fill that he didn't have before. He has to be the one to make sure Mom is ok, he has to be the one that hugs me and tells me it is going to be ok now, he has taken on part of the role his sister played and was in my life. So even in day to day activities I see signs of De through Drake, her cat that refuses to leave me alone, and other little things.
Two of my biggest signs were the feathers that I told you about in my last blog post and the dragonfly that landed on my finger and took a ride with Betsy and I for a mile walk down the beach. I know she is here and all around and trying to protect me and doesn't want me sad, but it seems that no matter where I turn these days there is sadness, heartache, and just one more stumbling block, from work, to friends, to running... just everything seems to be falling apart and into more pieces that are just slowly sifting through my fingers and I am never going to be able to put it all back together again.
But I did promise you the story of why the Dragonflies and Feathers mean so much.. so here it is.
Dragonflies have traditionally been one of a select few creatures that have been known to carry a deceased person’s energy (soul) to their loved ones. Contact from one of these simple, yet splendid creatures brings peace to a grieving soul. A light touch reminds us that our loved ones are never that far away, even after death. They also teach us about the brevity of life, as most butterflies live a few hours to a few days. The same is true of the Dragonfly which lives up to a few short months. They also remind us of the beauty within that brevity. For beyond what we cannot see lies beauty as well.
Feathers? If you look above in the photos, there is a little poem that my Aunt Ann mailed to me in a beautiful card, Thank you so much for that. While I cried and cried, I knew that those particular feathers were sent straight to me from De. Aunt Ann I love you and thank you for every moment you have spent trying to help get me through this. I will get there.. just not sure when.
In closing today... I ask that you look around you and be blessed with your life, your friends, your family, your job... it could all change in a blink of an eye.
Much Love to you,
De's Mommy
Yesterday was a really rough day at work, I was already upset over some other things in life, but something happened that was not fair to me at all, and I just broke. I cried.. I sobbed... (I work from home so it isn't like my co workers even knew) and moments later I felt arms wrap around me and Drake saying.. "Mom please don't cry it will be ok" Oddly enough, 2 months ago he wouldn't have done that, Drake is a good kid but Deanna was the affectionate one, the hugger, the "It's going to be ok" one, the one that was going to do something silly to make you smile or feel better. Drake was more the "OH LAWD It's a crier, Ain't nobody got time for that!" and run the other direction. Dustin is the very matter a fact one. David will do anything to make you smile through your tears and Lil Dustin.. he is in heaven hugging his sister. My point with this is there has been a shift in Drake, I think that although he is obviously getting older, he is also maturing quicker because he has a role to fill that he didn't have before. He has to be the one to make sure Mom is ok, he has to be the one that hugs me and tells me it is going to be ok now, he has taken on part of the role his sister played and was in my life. So even in day to day activities I see signs of De through Drake, her cat that refuses to leave me alone, and other little things.
Two of my biggest signs were the feathers that I told you about in my last blog post and the dragonfly that landed on my finger and took a ride with Betsy and I for a mile walk down the beach. I know she is here and all around and trying to protect me and doesn't want me sad, but it seems that no matter where I turn these days there is sadness, heartache, and just one more stumbling block, from work, to friends, to running... just everything seems to be falling apart and into more pieces that are just slowly sifting through my fingers and I am never going to be able to put it all back together again.
But I did promise you the story of why the Dragonflies and Feathers mean so much.. so here it is.
Dragonflies have traditionally been one of a select few creatures that have been known to carry a deceased person’s energy (soul) to their loved ones. Contact from one of these simple, yet splendid creatures brings peace to a grieving soul. A light touch reminds us that our loved ones are never that far away, even after death. They also teach us about the brevity of life, as most butterflies live a few hours to a few days. The same is true of the Dragonfly which lives up to a few short months. They also remind us of the beauty within that brevity. For beyond what we cannot see lies beauty as well.
Feathers? If you look above in the photos, there is a little poem that my Aunt Ann mailed to me in a beautiful card, Thank you so much for that. While I cried and cried, I knew that those particular feathers were sent straight to me from De. Aunt Ann I love you and thank you for every moment you have spent trying to help get me through this. I will get there.. just not sure when.
In closing today... I ask that you look around you and be blessed with your life, your friends, your family, your job... it could all change in a blink of an eye.
Much Love to you,
De's Mommy
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