Give. Live. Hug.
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Give. Live. Hug. 

7/8/2013

8 Comments

 
Picture
I hope everyone enjoyed their Independence Day and remained safe by wearing your "Deanna Hug" while in a moving vehicle.

Drake, Banx and I spent the week in Mathews, with my Daddy, my Mom, and Ed. I personally spent more time on the water than land and I am still having a hard time walking in a straight line. I am happy to say that it was the most relaxing stress free week since the accident. There were signs of De's presence EVERY WHERE.. more and more friends posted they saw something special here or there.. yet I was not "seeing" anything at first. While Mariah were in the pool relaxing on Friday afternoon.. ZOOM... goes a dragon fly... and around around it flew. I spoke to Deanna that night while walking Banx and looking up at the stars. Just chit chatting and then thanked her for the beautiful people she left me in life and the beautiful stories of your selflessness that she displayed that are being relayed to me through stories via her friends and mine. Then on Saturday as I was paddling along I saw it in the water, right beside me, I slowed and scooped it up without even stopping, a feather. And not just any old feather, a half zebra striped feather. I know she was saying.. "Mommy... be happy.. just live"

The only complaint I have about this week and weekend, was leaving. I am not in a funk today as I have been in the past, I don't feel guilty about enjoying my weekend as I KNOW that is exactly what De would have wanted. I started reading a book with Mariah and Amanda, a book that De would have loved, it is making me feel good, not sad. The signs of her saying "hi" are starting to make me smile a little and not feel left in utter despair.  Don't get me wrong there are the moments of, Why isn't she here to see this.. or She should tanning with Mariah not me.. or just images of the scene and my mind playing the "video" of her last seconds, they have not left, I don't know that they EVER will but I am starting to see pin hole beams of light back in my life.  Moments that although she is gone I am able to perform things that I used to, fishing, relaxing, boating and actually get enjoyment out of it and not just perform the motions. My laugh still sounds foreign to me when it happens, and there is a huge piece missing no matter what I am doing, it is true the saying a "Hole in my heart" that is exactly what it feels like, that no matter what you do, something is not quite right in the world anymore.

The point here is some how, some way, I am getting there, slowly. I have some very loyal friends and family that support me through the darkest moments, don't question me when, all of a sudden it seems I am likely to lose it and start swinging paddle board paddles at their heads and they just wait for the moment to pass, (for someone to claim to have no patience Ed certainly has found some because usually he is the one around when all of a sudden the darkness and sadness sets in, there is no way I could ever thank him for being what and who he has been...) and there are still a lot of those moments.

As the week goes on I will fill you in on details of our vacation in big old Mathews.. but for now.. this is how I spent it.

Give... We gave away more fish and clams we kept...
Live.. I did live, I finally allowed myself to Live for moments of time, on my board, with my family, enjoyed my time.
Hug... Oh I got hugs and gave them all over the place!!!

So how did YOU spend your holiday?

Much Love to you all,
De's Mommy

8 Comments
Sue Goodrich
7/7/2013 11:10:31 pm

Sounds like you had a beautiful week! I am happy for you.
Slow and steady and the light begins to appear.
Signs for our beloved's make us know, they are near.
Hugs,
Sue

Reply
The_Roze13
7/7/2013 11:22:27 pm

I am doing the happy dance and have this big huge smile on my face! I knew this day would come! What an amazing BREAKTHROUGH! God is good! My 4th was filled with blessing! I had a very rare kid free weekend. So my husband and I went to see a movie on the 4th. World War Z is AWESOME! Fri. We were gonna stay home and just relax but a really amazing friend gave me front row seats to see Cindy Lauper! We were so close I could almost touch her. Awesome time. Sat. My hubby and I went on a Sunset Pirate Cruise. On the way home our battery light came on and found that our alternator was bad. I called a friend of mine that had the part and was at my house on a Sun morning to have it fixed for us and ready to roll in an hour!

Reply
Aunt Ann
7/7/2013 11:42:33 pm

Spent my holiday and throughout the weekend with family, and going to ballgames and church.I visited Deanna's gravesite and put on some red,white and blue flowers and a flag.Paused and remembered the good time she and her friends that she brought with her to Renee's cookout last year had.Then quickly reconciled myself to the fact although it was beyond my comprehension Deanna was having even a greater time in heaven.That gave me peace and joy,even though I miss her here with us.I know we will all be together again for eternity and "WHAT A TIME THAT WILL BE!"I also enjoyed the delicious fish and clams you brought me.But most of all enjoyed seeing you having a peaceful,relaxing and enjoyable time in good ole'Mathews County.There's no place like it!!!!! Love you,Re and Drake

Reply
Renee
7/8/2013 12:14:41 am

Praise God as he is seeing you thru one day at a time! It was so good to see you Friday and you did seem better and hugs are the BEST medicine. De is happy and she wants you to be happy or at least start to move forward to it, that's why all the wonderful signs she sends. Thanks so much for the fish & clams you bought Mom we all enjoyed last evening so the gift just keeps giving. Love You!

Reply
Lisa
7/8/2013 12:19:31 am

Proud of you. Love you

Reply
Sue Goodrich
7/8/2013 12:21:37 am

Reply
Kris
7/8/2013 04:17:50 am

I'm glad that you're able to have some enjoyment in your new normal. I have thanked God many times for Ed, he has been so amazing for you!!! So glad you have each other. I am also thankful that you were able to relax and enjoy some time with family and friends. Love you!

Reply
Sherrie
7/9/2013 08:44:13 am

Great pic of you, Drake and Banx. So very thankful that you were finally able to enjoy life for awhile even if it is still fleeting moments. May your moments continue to get longer and closer together as you continue to heal with the support and love of your family and friends.

Reply



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