How are you?? Seriously talk to me.. how are YOU? I would love to hear from you. I feel like I have been away on a trip and I am not 100% sure how everyone is anymore.
I hit the gym last night for the first time in forever! It was wonderful .. I nearly died! No seriously, I am fine but it was tough jumping back in. I am sure I will bounce right back to where I was and this time I am NOT going to be mad about the “where I could have beens” or “what I should have dones”.
That time is gone and it isn’t coming back. It is just another life lesson in how easily it is for us to slip back into old patterns when overwhelmed or stressed. We all have triggers and I just bounced right up on all of mine this summer.
Something I am super hopeful about today is timing. Typically right around now is when things start falling apart, when the sides crumble and everything gets dark again. I saw it happening just last week. I know exactly where I was. I was walking through the hallway here in the house and I stopped and just stood there. I thought to myself, “oh no… it’s happening.” And it was. The sadness was setting in, the darkness was creeping around and I had a choice at that very moment. I knew right then if something didn’t change and change fast I was going to be right back at the bottom in no time at all, I just didn’t know WHAT to do to stop it. Ultimately I did nothing, it was the Ragnar ladies, and it is likely they didn’t even know what they were doing, but their determination and perseverance showed me this weekend that ANYTHING can be done if you set your mind and heart to it and right now it is my time to do just that.
I would like to sit here and say that running the Ragnar in July and the Full Marathon are my “goals” but that simply is not the case. Sure they are out there and they are very important moments in this journey I am on but my truest goal is to make it through the bad season in a good solid healthy way, and possibly with a little bit of grit come out better than I started.
I have some solid doable weight lost goals, solid doable fitness goals, I just need to ensure I maintain solid doable mental health goals.
Yesterday I had an appointment with Dr A Amazing and we chatted about where I still find myself hung up at times. I wrote about the bucket filling yesterday and actually talked to her about it and she said, you have a serious issue with allowing others to fill your bucket, not only do you not allow it you refuse to ask for any kind of help, even when your bucket is completely empty you are running around trying to fill others up so no one even sees that you need help. I have sat on that since yesterday and pondered on something my Sis said to me when I was hurt. I was helping others and walking 5ks and going and going and going and I remember saying to her “I feel like I have no help and I am overwhelmed.” I remember her saying… “How would anyone know you needed anything or even think to help you when you are still out there doing everything?” I internally shrugged my shoulders and moved right along. Not once did it occur to me to ASK for help! It is something I need to work on most definitely because I will likely need help getting through the next few months.
Keeping this one short today after yesterday novel!
Peace Love and Light