I went back and looked at the post from the 21st day of that stint and I was struggling. It wasn't a happy post, it was a meh post. More hey I got here, this is still hard, want to know why it was hard? Because from day one I was counting down the days until I could have chips and salsa, drink 14 bloody marys, and six bottles of wine, topped off with a pizza and cheesecake that is why. I knew from the day I started the day I could go to Bad Bean. It was hella restrictive as I mentioned before, being told you will never be normal again is a hard pill to swallow especially when by normal they mean you can have, some vegetables, chicken, and limited seafood and beef or was it pork. I don't know either way it was ROUGH. The big take away was this.. I would rather be fat, as is apparently by my large ass size. That time cost a lot of money, but it was what I said was my last straw before weight loss surgery which would have cost triple if not more than what was spent. (FYI nothing in the world is wrong with surgery! I support you, it is a wonderful tool for so many). What it did teach me is this, I CAN lose weight.
I know the weight shouldn't be that big of a factor and health should be my primary concern, and I feel like I will get there, but that number on the scale.. Yea no. I don't know what the end game looks like for that number because I have been big for so long that I don't know what my comfortable not big number is, but I think I am dealing with that in a healthy way this time. I am not out here saying I am going to be 125 lbs (I think i weighed that when I was 2) I am out here saying I have a substantial amount of weight to lose. I am not out here saying I am going to be a size 4 (again.. I think I was 2) I am out here saying I want to be a healthier size. I think in so many tries before the diet itself was not the problem but my attitude about the diet was.
I can hear my Aunt Reedie now, "I'm not on a diet" well my dear beloved aunt.. you were. I think that is the first time in my life I have ever talked back to her, she is either really proud right now or cussing me. The truth is we all have a diet, you, me, her, everyone has a diet. What you consume is your diet. If we consciously put an effort into eating a certain way we are in fact on or have a specific diet. That change in the way of eating may be for a lifetime, like my aunt, or for drop 10 pounds before high school reunion, either way.. a diet.
I started Keto 100% on Monday, my goal is to stay strictly Keto for 90 days and evaluate how I feel and what changes I am seeing and if it is for me. I have no idea what that date is. October 28th is the date from the last time.. still ingrained in my brain because I was not at all in any way in the right head space for what I was doing. It is my hope and wish that this time I am doing all of the right things, in all of the right times, and trying to learn all I can about myself, how I am eating, paying close attention to how I am feeling. I want to be bigger than this problem, this fear, I want to be stronger than my emotions. I have one hella amazing friend who doesn't mind me sending pics of my macros, or answering any questions and is cheering like crazy, that in of itself is a HUGE help! This just feels, different. I don't feel like I am counting down the days to 90 so I can have chips and salsa, I feel like I am counting up the days to 90 so I can see what changed. I think that is a good healthy way to look at it.
Is Keto the right thing for me? I don't know, but right now, right this minute it feels like the shoe is fitting nicely. I am not having a hard time staying under my carbs, actually if anything they may be a little less than I thought, taking that coffee creamer out of my diet made a HUGE dent alone, but I also have easily seen where there were problems before. Breakfast was whatever I could grab if I had anything, poptart, egg sandwich, left over pasta. Lunch was again, whatever was quick and easy and usually something full of carbs and little health. Dinner, not so much of an issue, dad and I have been eating very well at dinner time, a very rounded meal that I have easily been able to substitute out carbs and add in an additional veggie. Getting my water in has not been a very big deal, I am pleasantly surprised at that. Right now I don't have a "this is hard" story, it has only been 5 days after all. My most "frightening" moment was going out to dinner on day 2.. like seriously dad.. you picked that day? After a little panicked text, I ordered the most amazing grilled chicken salad and ended up having the other half for lunch the next day!
Is Keto the right thing for you? No earthly idea. Try it.. if you hate it.. find another shoe.
For as long as I can remember, especially back when I was a kid, my mom has told me I had a bad attitude (I think that was her you are being a brat language). I don't know about bad, but I do know I have faced my weight, my ways of eating, and my health with the WRONG attitude, I think I am on the road to fixing that. In the mean time.. wish me luck.
Signing off today with this... think about problems in your life that you are dealing with right now, is the problem really the problem or is the problem your attitude about the problem? Either way.. you are bigger than whatever it is! You got this!!!
Peace, Love and Light