Deanna had a passion for acting, or I should say the stage as the last play she was working on she was directing. She had been in plays once a year for YEARS, it was a gift that my mother and the Missoula Theater gave her when she was very young. Deanna continued with drama (the good kind.. ok with some of the bad kind thrown in for good measure) until the accident, with the guidance of Sherry Hamilton and the high school drama class. It was a passion. It was a dream she was fulfilling each time she stepped on the stage. Who knows.. she may have been the next big star on NCIS. (she had a thing for the military so it would be fitting) I don't know that she would have pursued it at all after school but I know it was something she enjoyed greatly.
So the the title of this post.. "Have you any dreams you'd like to sell" well yes.. yes I do. Due to some unforeseen circumstances I was smacked right in the face with the fact I have no passion at all for what I am doing. My life revolves around a great deal of stress, added stress on top of my normal stress, which by the way my normal stress is great! I stated last night that I did not know how much stress it takes before someone self destructs, but I AM CLOSE.. so very very close.
Life is short, so very short, even to a 90 year old lady life can feel short, Deanna's and Dustin's lives were the blip of a light on a radar. Should any of us drone on through our lives without dreaming or even selling those dreams in pursuit of a life that seems purposeful and having passion?
The problem is as usual, I do not know how to get from point A to point B. I don't even honestly know where any of my passion lies anymore. If I could simply win the lottery I could pursue those things that I have a longing for but the stress of the drone portion of my life is keeping me from.
I believe I would probably work out more, because I could sleep and then go, or go then nap and not be so blasted tired. Maybe I would start a Fluffy Girl class and work with a group of ladies that don't believe they can. The Gym needs a fluffy girl class. (I can say that because I am fluffy and I also remember the feeling of working with others gave me) Maybe I would write more, I would finish the song book, I would pursue to get it published, so that people can see the REAL life of a grieving mother, not the soft stuff that is delivered in the self help books. (sometimes I wonder if the authors really did lose a child) Maybe I would spend some time in Venuzuela, (I know you are thinking where in the world did THAT come from) there is a clinic there for women. I want to spend time there helping young women. No I can't speak Spanish, I will figure it out as I go. I would go see the sun set over the ocean, I have never been to the west coast, I have never been out of the country. I would hike a mountain just so I could say I did. I could travel across the country in an RV chronicling my adventures through photos (yes I may use my camera again) and words.
There are so many places that my dreams could lead me, so many people that could be helped. The unfortunate truth of the matter, my dreams don't pay, they cost. Not only do my dreams cost, life costs, therefore the only choice is to drone on. Maybe I should just start a Go Fund me account.. I heard some dude is actually getting his bills paid that way.. no I don't know how this is possible, actually now that I think of it, other than for medical emergencies or charities isn't this sort of like the internets version of sitting on a corner with a can?
My point today...
Isn't it unfortunate that life costs us life?
Go out and dream big today people, you never know it may pay.