Yesterday I posted a photo of a very tired and exhausted looking me. Ok I wasn't just looking it, I was totally feeling it. Yes we have been doing a TON of work every weekend, and during the week as soon as I get off work at the 9 to 5 (ok 6 to 2 but who's counting) I am right back out there doing and fiddling with more things until it is time to make dinner. So yes I am exhausted nearly every night by 7:30, more so on Sunday evenings after the weekend is done. It is the kind of exhausted that when we said the blessing Sunday over supper I didn't want to close my eyes because I was worried they may not open. Add in the fact that I am working out (not as much as I should be but I will get there) on top of all of the projects and by bed time it's a struggle to get from the recliner to bed without wanting a nap in the middle.
I know at least one of you is worried I am doing too much (Hi Aunt Ann.. I love you!!!) So this was on my mind as I laid down last night. Am I doing too much again? I laid there in bed after another full day of Penny riding, plank doing, project managing craziness, weedeating, pine straw moving (does anyone have any clean pine straw?? ours looks like crap and I have run out of what I could use) dinner making, house straightening..... You get the point right? It was another full day! I took inventory of all of the things that I did, and in spite of doing some of the things in start and stop and go back to manners, it didn't seem like too much but when you really look at it... it was a lot! So again I wondered, am I doing too much? That really was a long list there Re. What are you doing and why?
To answer that question we have to back track a LONG LONG LONG LONG time!! My aunt posed another question recently, "What do you remember about spring cleaning or house flipping from when you were young?" My honest answer was... "Nothing. An itchy blanket with eyelets showed up on my bed (i did not like that blanket.. allllll of those HOLES) I do remember, sweeping the leaves and pine straw out of my fort, I remember clipping back branches from the path, I remember watching for snakes and spiders, I remember puppies being born, I remember tadpoles in the ditch, I remember going to the beach and sand in my peanut butter and jelly, I remember raking out the sandbox, I remember reading a book sitting under a tree, I remember my grandfather's planting their gardens, but I don't for the life of me remember anything that went on in the house. Because I was not in there, I think I probably wasn't allowed in there but that is beside the point. I spent most of my childhood especially this time of year outside, in continuous motion and movement. Then something in me just broke.
It was long before the kids accidents, long long long before. We all know this, we all dance around this, but truthfully it is ok! Being outside brought no joy or excitement, none. Technically nothing did and if it did .. it was fleeting. So much of my time was spent in front of a TV doing absolutely nothing, when I think about that right now I shudder. Sure I went to work, I did things but I don't think I was really DOING THE THINGS! If I tried to do projects I quickly got overwhelmed and discouraged and I just walked away from it. I could not self regulate projects or tasks, this is likely why I enjoyed working so much the last 8 years, I had pointed tasks I had to perform and when done I could go home and sit in my recliner. Kinda sad huh? I was not even doing a quarter of the things I am doing now and I was so exhausted then I just couldn't do another thing. But this right here.. right now.. it is different.
Sure I am exhausted most nights when it is time for bed. (which by the way is EARLY) BUT it is the good kind of exhausted that comes from good hard physical work. It is not the kind of mental and emotional exhaustion that leaves you still feeling drained when you wake up in the morning. Sunday night as I laid down in bed before the sun had completely even set I thought to myself, man this feels like when I was a little kid and the sun was still up at bed time! I remember clearly the compliant "It's still daylight! I can't go to sleep" Only to be feeling on the inside how good it felt to lay down in my nice bed, all fresh and clean from the shower, after a long day of "hard work" outside. That is how this exhaustion feels. It's the good fulfilling kind!!! It feels right. It feels good.
So again I ask myself "Am I doing too much again?" No.. I don't think I am. I think I am doing just right! (calm down Ed... I know we need to take a few days break from projects) The work that has been put in and will be put in is more like cleaning the straw out of the fort, or clipping the branches back from the path (crap I just remembered where I left mom's snippers..the good blue handled ones.. oppsie) sure it is hard work, but it is fun hard work, and I am lucky enough to be able to do that work with my love. How awesome is THAT??
So I am happy to report at the end of my evaluation everything is just as it should be.
Signing off with this, what do you remember from your childhood about spring cleaning? I really loved reading the answers on Aunt Ann's post!
Peace Love and Light