Hey guys!!! What a HELL of a week this has been! I am so sorry, (why are you apologizing Re? You have nothing to apologize for, this is life everyone knows you were really busy, why are you apologizing to them for taking the time away from writing? You needed to do the things you needed to do. Oh Yea that is right.. according to Drake in his "comfortable" state on Monday.. it is because we are Canadian (quick google search.. it really is a thing.. and we really are partially Canadian but is anyone really Canadian? Aren't they more like American's really something else.. We are technically FRENCH Canadian.. or I guess technically French at least partially, I do know I am a Witch though so that is something)) for not writing this week. I do know some of you really look for me in the mornings, I hope you guys didn't give up and look for this post.
Anyhow! Here I am! Still alive, still kicking, still going 1,000.000 miles per hour. Drake has been an AWESOME guy through this whole ordeal, he is kind and sweet (except for yesterday but he deserved that day of snarkiness, more on that in a moment) so he really is doing all he can to make this easier on both of us, all of us, but the amount of work is insane. I wouldn't even consider allowing someone else do it this, or even really help with his care, this is my job, I am mom, and I finally feel like I may be a half way decent one. That I am not so wrapped up in my grief and depression to be the mom that he needs right now.
Even in being this super mom some things needed to fall to the side this week, writing, exercising (except my plank that was a MUST I am up to 90 seconds now it feels awesome), eating 100% on point, my therapy appointment (which I didn't cancel I showed up and Dr AAwesome said.. nope.. not this week that is just too much on you) some me things had to fall, and it had to be me things that I felt were expendable for a week. I also had the added work of watching some homes this week while they were out of town so I am HOPING that next week that gives me back about an hour every day to do the writing, (which may be in the evenings as things settle down) working out, and figuring out dinners before we are on the road to appointments and such. I am hoping that tomorrow I have the time to sit down and draft out myself a "routine" something that allows me to still work on the things that I have worked so hard for! I am not willing or able to back slide now, I am just NOT. I DESERVE to be who I am becoming, this calamity is NOT a set back, or a push down, or even a why do I bother, it is teeny tiny pot hole on the interstate of life. Like if I am having to do what I am doing now for 4 weeks, as he will heal and be able to care for himself we are literally talking about 0.1% of my life here. You do not give up the ghost for 0.1% of your life that derailed. You figure out a different plan, you buckle down and ride out the storm. That is what I am going to do!
Circling back to the snarkiness of yesterday for a moment. Drake had his follow up with Ortho and that was scary, shocking, hard work, upsetting, (and that was just what I was feeling I am sure he can add a few more adjectives but they won't be pretty). He worked, well we worked so hard this week to keep that leg elevated at ALL times, he only got up twice and that was to shower, and yesterday morning he had an ankle! Like you could see it! I was so happy and so was he. We literally went to the appointment just knowing because we had worked so hard getting the swelling down that surgery would be Monday. So here we are at noon loading him up, thanks to the great team of Mom and Dad I had help, get him in the car, get to the appointment roll him in, wait around another 30 minutes and the nurse comes in and says he needs another xray. When they take the boot off .. POOF! His ankle blows up like a blow toad. They take him for xray bring him back and it's even BIGGER! The doctor comes in and says.. we need to get him next door for an Ultrasound it looks like he has a blood clot! My heart started raising as I was going through all of the things this could mean and I was petrified but I couldn't show any of that! STRONG MOM! STAY STRONG! As we wheeled him over he starts writhing in pain, like worse than I saw him yet, he was saying his foot and leg were on FIRE and nearly in tears. It was beyond frightening.. STAY STRONG YOU! YOU GOT TO STAY STRONG!! Thankfully the ultra sound showed no clots and we have no idea what the calf pain is from, maybe the boot, maybe a strain, who knows, but whatever it is, it doesn't appear to be deadly. Get back to ortho for a new splint as the boot just isn't working for Drake and we find out that he has a follow up on Wednesday which means no surgery for at least 10 days. He was crushed! He was in pain. He was CRUSHED AND IN PAIN. He deserved to be snarky. He deserved a moment to just sit in that blow he wasn't expecting. He was snarky to me. He was snarky to the nurses (one was a little snarky back, the other just quietly rode it out). They reset his foot (can you EVEN IMAGINE WHAT THAT FELT LIKE???) He snarked a little more. And then he does something that made all of our jaws drop. Through his gritted teeth as they reset his ankle, he says "I'm sorry, I am not normally like this, I thank you for everything you are doing for me, I really am sorry." In that moment I saw a change wash over the nurses face, this was the man that they stayed at the office late for, this was a kind soul that they could go home happy to have helped at the end of a long week. Drake funked around for the remainder of day and I told him that was a ok, he could and should feel those things, but we were not going to stay stuck there. He agreed. My baby boy is a good kind man, but his heart is a little hurt right now. We did get a little good news yesterday, he is allowed to get up at least twice a day for 5 minutes each, before he was to stay put as much as possible until surgery, like get up if you absolutely MUST. I am hopeful that scootering around the house will lift his mood some.
Speaking of scooting, I could NOT EVEN BEGIN to do this with out this tribe I have. This house has been transformed, I have collected so many supplies and necessities that he would have had to do without or we would have had to purchase, I have had people run to stores and get things (including beer as that is a necessity right??) I COULD NOT DO IT WITHOUT YOU!!! You all have the biggest kindest hearts and I have no idea how I will ever in this life time repay any of you.
Now a little news on my own personal front. As I mentioned I didn't exact break any records this week in eating and exercising, I even said "I am NOT getting on the damn scale this week. It is not happening! Forget it! I will get back on track next week and hopefully I will be some what close to where I left off. F a scale" I woke up this morning and I had bought myself a new bathing suit and I wanted to try it on but I was afraid to because of this week and blah blah blah so I decided to get on the scale to see the damage before I saw the damage in the mirror in my suit. Ya'll... I lost weight. I finally broke out of the 30 lb stall!!!! I officially have lost 35 pounds!!! Don't ask me how or why (maybe because my eating wasn't completely off the rails and just a little side step) but I DID THAT!!!! Do you know how damn proud I am of that number???? I am OFFICIALLY over a third of the way to my goal! A THIRD OF THE WAY!!! (Now if my mother would stop bringing sweets into the house that would be amazing.. neither drake or I need those LOL)
THIRTY FIVE POUNDS GONE!!!!
Ok... enough of that, thank you for letting me get some things off of my chest. I literally just sat here and did a big huge sigh as if a weight lifted from my shoulders. So thank you.. thank you for being you and thank you for being here for and with me. You are appreciated.
Signing off with this, go enjoy today, do something for yourself!
Peace Love and Light