This time I'm ready to run. ~ Ready to Run One Direction
(I think I will put the song title and artist here so everyone knows what it is.. and don't judge me)
Ok run is just kind of a figurative word. Run isn't exactly what I do. The Re Re shuffle is more like it. I pick things up a little bit and I put them down, by things I mean my feet. I am slow. Slower than slow slow. Slower than I have ever been in my life slow and I was no speeding bullet to start with.
Today I got up at 4:30 am and put on my running clothes and went to bootcamp for the first time in months. Today for the first time in years I "ran" without walking 5.29 miles. Today I looked at my pace and thought... a slug in peanut butter is faster than this. Who cares. I got up and I went. I got up and I did something to better myself. I got up when I had 982343298374 excuses to stay where I was.
Today's song lyric is quite fitting because in all my brilliance, I showed up to run in the dark very ninga looking. Black from head to ankle, my shoes and gloves are neon so I did have that going for me. I guess I probably looked like one of those artistic things were all you see is hands and feet dancing, I was going to show you but I can't find a video. I really didn't want to get lost in the dark, but then again I kinda did. If I got lost no one would be passing me seeing how dreadfully slow I was.
I don't like being slow. I don't like being last. I do suppose the last person is still home in bed as I type this but that kinda isn't the point.
There is one plus to being the slowest, you get to cheer people on as they pass you... twice. (and I get all the encouraging from them to keep going so that is a plus plus).
But I went.. yay. Do you see the pattern here? This is me trying to talk myself into today was ok. It's ok I am slow. I will get there. The point is I showed up. Right?
I have roughly 2 days to make a big decision. Do I do the full or do I do the half. Here's the deal. My ankles, they friggin hurt. Today all I kept thing was, "Your hurt anyway, why stop now?" I am not sure I can pull that off for 26 miles. I can do it for 13 without a issue, but 26 is looking more and more like I won't be able to walk for a week. I can't afford that to happen. The question that is bouncing around is this.. do I take the next 3 and a half weeks and work on picking up the pace a bit so I am only slug slow not slug in peanut butter slow or I do I just stay slower than even a slug in peanut butter and pull off the distance?
It's an not a decision I take lightly and I have already gone back and forth on it a few times. One of the things that bothers me about running a marathon is that no matter if I complete it or not, I don't think it will matter much to me. I have completed two. I have told the stories. I don't think it will matter as much to me as completing the one I did last year for Deanna. It almost feels like to push this issue would be like pushing through to say "HEY I DID IT!", but I already have twice, so why put myself through that pain if I am not ready. Because you don't really know how to quit that's why. Because if you fall back to the lower distance you are giving up that's why. Who cares if you didn't train right for it, you got it in your somewhere that's why.
Do you see my problem here???
Going to contemplate some more.
Have a great day.