People have commented that I seem happy and at peace. I believe that at this point anything other than severe bouts of depression look to be happy when it comes to me. I am good at walking in a mask these days.
You guys knew it was coming right?
I am a hot damn mess. Since my heart thing I have not been able to get myself out of the trenches to put my running shoes back and this girl has a half in 8 weeks. (Do I even have that long anymore)
I’m freaking LONELY. “How can you be lonely Re? You have people around you a lot and work has not changed much for you.” Because I miss my people. My tribe. My Saltbox crew. I miss 3 minutes after a crazy shift or even a boring one. I miss fall date nights with my best friend. My customers. I miss “Hey we grabbing a drink or 4, you in?” My friends dogs. I miss Ashley’s coffee and my time with friends. I miss my friends. I miss knowing you are a mile and a half away but I may not see you for a month but that is ok cause you are there. I miss my coaches. I miss “hey what can I do to help?” Even though I always say nothing. I miss my son. I even miss my WiFi! Bottom line. I miss MY HOME.
I have done what I could to make this little slice of paradise (and yes it is beautiful and peaceful here) a home. But it’s not mine. It’s not my things. My bed. My dishes. My office.
This is not easy. This has no end in sight. People ask “Have you moved back?” No. The answer is no. This is not my home, I am just again passing through. It may be another week or another 3 years. I don’t have any idea.
This is hard.
I love you for putting up with all of this.
Also I do know I have ZERO room to complain. So many others have it so much harder than I but some days it’s just overwhelming and the words have to come out.