Now if I can get to the point I don't feel sleepy I will be in much better shape. I am guessing it takes a bit to get past this point when your body has gone so long without it, but that is ok, that too will subside in it's time. Right now it is about getting the rest I need to feel emotionally better, even after one night of 10 hours of sleep I felt SOOOOOOO much better mentally. I didn't even move that night, I woke up right where I feel asleep and still had my phone in my hand. Now that my friends is exhaustion. I could technically take the day off and go get in the bed and sleep.. like all day. I wonder if that would catch me up? If that would give me that edge of non sleepiness, I'm not sure, but it would however give me an upset boss. We have lots going on at work right now. So a quick nap before church tonight it is.
The bottom line is just getting that sleep, going out with my friends, completing projects has given me hope. I am becoming a new me. A new Re, you know that Re Phoenix person, from out of the ashes. One that can have an agenda, a life, a smile and happiness. I am not saying that it is a snap of the fingers, or a click of the sparkly converse ( I really would like sparkly converse.. do they make those?? Sweet Lord in Heaven they do!!! I must have these I NEED these.. )
As I sat in the doctors office the other day in tears, alone, thinking I should have someone here with me because honestly I am a basket case and I have no business being by myself, it occured to me that I HAVE to do this alone, this is my journey, that doesn't mean there won't be help along the way but the majority of this has to be on me. Think about it, when running a marathon, you have to put in the work, the training, but you have encouragement along the way and a running buddy or two help out, on race day, you have to start and finish alone but you have help along the way, water stations, people cheering, and a whole group of people who love you at the finish line. That is so similar to what this is.This is my journey of grief that I am going to have to carry the weight of mainly myself but I also know that I have friends out there that I can call and say... hey.. can you run a mile with me, I need a bit of help this load is a bit too much for me alone, much like my dates the other night, all I had to do was reach out and there were right there with a helping hand! It is you guys and the rest of the support that is going to get me to the finish line even though the steps are mine, you all never let me give up, even in the darkest. You all know who you are.. and I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU... Look how far you have already gotten me!
Now I am going to go out and walk my little guy through the neighborhood in my pajamas and my eeyore robe and slippers.. BECAUSE I CAN!
Love you all!