It makes me beyond sad that this would even be a topic that needs a post, but apparently it does. I ran across a post today about a woman who from what I can make of it got into a verbal debate with another woman about who's grief was worse, the one who had lost a child and the one who had lost a husband. I am going to go with that most of you would say, the one who lost the child of course. This is so not true. The truth is, it is not comparable at all, and that both people are currently feeling their worse grief of their life.
Let's look at this a different way, I cut off my hand, you cut off your foot, the Doctor comes in and asks, which of you is in worse pain? The answer is neither is worse, both are equally painful and we are both in complete despair and disbelief over the lost of our limb. Are you going to sit there in that room and have an argument over who is in worse shape? I would not think so.
So my question is this, why do we do that with grief? Who are we to say that our grief and pain is worse than anothers? Yes I lost my child, my beautiful daughter, I also lost my handsome step son. When Dustin had his accident I thought that was the worst pain imaginable, and it was! It was my worse pain at the time, then the unimaginable happened and Deanna had her accident, again my worse pain imaginable. You would think I was crazy if I had an argument with myself about how stupid I was to think that losing Little Dustin in any way could equal the additional pain of losing my Deanna, wouldn't you? Then why do we as a society try to put the level of pain associated with grief into compartments of your pain must be worse than mine?
Would it not be much easier for everyone to just be kind and understand that when in the throws of grief that the pain is not supposed to be a competition? A broken heart doesn't have a measurement.