It seems that is happening slowly, and it seems that a big contributor into feeling better is a kettle bell, a few hand weights, a bench press and some super awesome friends. It isn't that we spend hours in the gym (well they do I don't) I just meet them after work and do wha....
pardon the interruption, I had to go rescue Kittum from a very curious Charlie, the sad thing is HE DOESN'T want to hurt her, she on the other hand is not fond of him at all and goes from
Ok where was I? Oh yes.. I go meet my friends after work and we do things, I just do whatever I am told and write it down, usually walking out with some part of my body not functioning as it was when I walked in, last night I had a hard time driving home my arms were so shaky, tonight my hiney will be sore, it is after all hump day!
Some how little by little, one weight at a time it seems I am getting out of the darkness, these trips to the gym are something I look forward to. Some days no I don't feel like going, not at all! I want to stay in my jammies and under a blanket and not respond to anyone, and yes it is has only been four times that I have gone (I worked the other evenings and then got this NASTY cold), I didn't let the blankie hold me down, and believe me that is one tough blankie! I have not left the gym sad once, I may have gotten there that way more than one time but I don't leave that way. It is a feeling of accomplishment, that in spite of how I felt inside an hour ago I still walked out of the house and went through the motions of lifting the weights. No it isn't running 10 miles.. no it isn't an intense kickboxing class.. no it isn't bootcamp at 5:30 in the morning in sub zero temps.. BUT IT IS A START!
And with each and every great journey it needs to start with what??
This is my step, this is all I happen to have to give at the moment. I do have a lot of other things going on, trying to chase down the cause of the depression.. is it bipolar disorder.. is it George?? (please Lord let it be George.. George can be removed!) So I have some stress lots of it but I am trying desperately trying to keep my head above water, and I sure can kick my feet a lot harder with stronger leg muscles. I know where my next steps lie.. the foot path is in front of me.. I know nutrition plays a major role, and some cardio, and some yoga. I will take each step as it comes, all that matters right now is I took the first step again.
I know they have said it a thousand times not to thank them for being my friends but how can I not.. Chris and Kami THANK YOU for not giving up on me, for rooting me on even when I wasn't doing much to root for. For offering the hand of hey.. come run with us.. hey.. come meet us at the Y.. hey come meet us at The Gym and lift weights.. until I was finally ready to take that hand and show up. And D Dub.. dude you are right in there with them, not once have you ever thought I was a lost cause, always offering up advice of what would make sense for me to do (I will get there I promise) and working out with a high five and a smile! Leslie, first off I miss you, it has been too long since I have seen your beautiful face, secondly there is one thing I can count on each time I see you, being met with a smile and a HUGE HUG! I haven't told you how much those hugs mean to me. I know before long our schedules will collide and I will get one. I love you guys.. and that is the end of the mush.
See you at 5:30 for some hump working!
I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS.. IT WON'T BEAT ME.
Peace out the President of the Pro Bailers.
Love you all,