Just a bit more race stuff...

I am not sure who took this pic.. Doug maybe. I was so nervous at this point I just wanted to throw up but kept telling myself "don't puke.. don't puke.. don't puke" Why was I so worried about puking? Because I knew that was fuel I needed to make it through the next 6ish hours. Silly huh? This would be the same reason I didn't stop at any porta potties. Yes I know the science doesn't necessarily match my thoughts but I was afraid if I stopped once I would stop 10 times and that all takes time and I was seriously afraid I wouldn't be able to stand up if I squatted.. you don't sit in a porta potty you squat. HEY! Maybe that is why Matt had us do 250 squats on Thursday!  

The funny thing was my sweet friend Amy said that everyone is all pre race nervous smiling except me. I have a huge real big smile going on... there is good reason. I thought maybe that might be my last smile that was ever captured. I thought for sure I was headed toward my final mile, the end, lights out. Yes the thought truly did cross my mind... what if I die?? I didn't die. I am glad I didn't die.. but dying would have been ok. Dying was not my worst case scenario... being stuck in a porta potty was my worse case scenario. This may have had something to do with the fact that I did not use one the entire day. (I think I discussed the death and porta potty already so I will move on)

The three above photos are my post race marathon prezzies I bought myself. I really wish I had gotten the knit hat that had 26.2 miles on it but oh well.. I was too tired to think about all of that at the end. The Champion Alex and Ani is to remind me of all the angels that I run with. I prayed Sunday morning to each of them (I call it praying in truth is probably just having a chit chat with someone who is already sitting there listening and that may be a completely inappropriate use of the word, I am not sure if so sorry Betsy!) I spoke to all of them, I asked them to be there with me, to guide my in my day and to please help me when the going got tough. I am here to tell you they did. A few times along the way I thought.. Jeeze this HURTS! My ankle would bother me, or it would feel like a blister was starting, or a cramp would come along, I would quickly divert to.. "Ok guys I need you". Nothing else.. no deep thoughts of their absence or what it means.. just "Ok guys I need you" and the whatever ache or thought of not making it would disappear and I would once again enjoy my run. (yes I enjoyed it). This bracelet will remind me I am never alone.

The magnet just said the right things. Things I need to read more than once, so I bought it to hang where I would see it daily.

The final bracelet, everyone knows I have a thing for feathers and angel wings now. It's for Deanna. It is to remind me to live. To remind me life is short. It is to remind me to do it all before it is too late. It is to remind me she is forever with me in my heart. It is to remind me that she is not dead but yet still alive in the hearts of many. It is to remind me that she hasn't left me. It is to remind me that falling it not the worst case scenario, not taking the chance to fly is. "Oh, but my darling, what if you fly"

Before I start uncontrollably sobbing I need to change the subject. The hotel I am in this week KNOWS ME.. I don't know how they know me but they do.. they really really do. I came in to wine glasses and a wine opener! I carry my own with me so I never have an issue but I felt this was very nice of them to provide me with such lovely things. The bottle of wine it is mine. I have been holding on to it for my after the marathon "ahhhh this is heaven in a glass" moment. It's been 3 evenings I have not opened it yet. I am just not ready. I want it to taste perfect, so far my tummy hasn't allowed perfect. Maybe tonight. Maybe tonight I will open it and sit here and share with you my take on the actual race, the people I met the things I saw. I think it is important to capture that, even if you guys are sick of me talking about it!

As I logged into weebly today to create this post (which by the way has not made me a tiny bit late for work.. but that is ok because I have been working mega hours each day) I saw this quote

Healthy striving is self-focused: "How can I improve." Perfectionism is other-focused: "What will they think."

— Brené Brown

I am already thinking of how I can improve and what the next thing is. So it was just the perfect thing to see this morning as I start my planning and training.

Have a beautiful day people... and remember.. we all have angels.