Give. Live. Hug.
Follow Me:
  • Re's Journey
    • Re's Journey 2011-2013
    • Re's Journey 2007 - 2011
  • Spindles
  • Cafe Mais Sha
  • De's Story
    • Photos of De
    • Signs of De
    • Deanna Hugs
  • Glimpses into my mind
  • Banx, Kittum and Fat Beagle
  • Favorite People, Places and Things
    • Family and Friends
    • Bootcamp Family
    • Favorite Places and Things
    • Me!
    • Crafties I Made
    • Deanna's Christmas Tree
  • Encouragements, Insights, and Funnies
    • Encouragement MeMes
    • Funny MeMes
    • Grief Memes
    • Favorite Postsecrets
    • Words of Support from April 20th
  • Races, Runs and other Fun Events
    • Deanna's Candle Light Service
    • Deanna's 5k 2013
    • Pretty Muddy
    • OBX Marathon 2013
  • Contact Us

Let's play pretend

8/12/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
One of the things that brought Deanna (and her family) much joy was her acting. She was good at it and we were incredibly proud to go see her in her plays. From little parts to big parts to directing she did it all with a smile. She brought a light to the stage and to her fellow actors much as she did with life.

I picked up in her footsteps as of late, I just don't act on a stage. Life is my stage. I have to pretend and act even to fool myself into getting up a lot of days. The smile... sometimes its real, more than often it is not. My words, chosen from a script in my head because I just really want to say.. @#$%#$@%#$#!!!!!! Repeatedly.

Pretending she is there... not where she is. Just somewhere anywhere, not gone. Pretending I am ok, that I am not where I am, or who I am or that this is my life. Pretending that I still have what it takes to be something in this life.

There are things I don't have to pretend about... I do have friends and family who love me. Who hold me up when I am feeling so down. Pretty sure they see past the scripts and smiles. I do get my workout on at bootcamp.. I haven't found a way to fake that one yet. Grateful for it.. it is one of the few things that makes me feel alive.

Song lyrics rush through my thoughts like fireflies in the night sky.. moments of truth in the music.

I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all...

She pulls her hair back as she screams I don't really want to live this life...

Do you believe he thinks I am really alive..

You'd bleed just to know your alive..

A penny for your thoughts oh no I'd sell 'em for a dollar..


How long do I fantasize
Make believe that it's still alive
Imagine that I am good enough
And we can choose the ones we love
But I hold on, I stay strong
Wondering if we still belong,

Will we ever say the words we're feeling
Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls
Will we ever have our happy ending?
Or will we forever only be pretending?

Maybe I am crazy.. maybe I am not. Either way its ok because what part of it is real?
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

        Author

    De's Mommy
    Re
    Ann Marie
    Rhiannon Phoenix Mariah Dawn
    President of the Pro Bailers

    All of them are me!

    Blogs I Love!

    Life in Mathews
    Living in the Shadow
    Fosterhood in NYC
    Post Secret
    Hyperbole and a Half
    The Bloggess

    Archives

    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    May 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013

    Categories

    All
    #anger
    #bootcamp
    #deannahug
    #givelivehug
    #grief
    #looneytoons
    #onesaved
    #shame

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.