Give. Live. Hug.
Follow Me:
  • Re's Journey
    • Re's Journey 2011-2013
    • Re's Journey 2007 - 2011
  • Spindles
  • Cafe Mais Sha
  • De's Story
    • Photos of De
    • Signs of De
    • Deanna Hugs
  • Glimpses into my mind
  • Banx, Kittum and Fat Beagle
  • Favorite People, Places and Things
    • Family and Friends
    • Bootcamp Family
    • Favorite Places and Things
    • Me!
    • Crafties I Made
    • Deanna's Christmas Tree
  • Encouragements, Insights, and Funnies
    • Encouragement MeMes
    • Funny MeMes
    • Grief Memes
    • Favorite Postsecrets
    • Words of Support from April 20th
  • Races, Runs and other Fun Events
    • Deanna's Candle Light Service
    • Deanna's 5k 2013
    • Pretty Muddy
    • OBX Marathon 2013
  • Contact Us

Oh little tree.. oh little tree...

12/4/2015

1 Comment

 
Picture
How flimsy are your branches.

That really isn't fair. I have a cute little tree, it will serve it's purpose I think. This year for the first year I felt the pull to have a tree. Like I really needed a tree. It wasn't a want it is was a need. I also knew that I couldn't open the first box of Christmas ornaments or decorations that I have, so I was faced with a dilemma. How do I pull this off... 

I know, I know you are thinking go the store and buy one you dummy. No...  no good. The Christmas section is avoided at ALL costs. You breeze through grab exactly what you need and OUT! Triggers my friends triggers. I know it sounds absolutely ridiculous but when I feel the darkness reaching for me like some kind of Dementor out of Harry Potter I know there are certain places and things that I just can not do. A sweet little Christmas decoration can shove me over the edge. A camo pink edged stocking and I won't be able to function for days. Yes I know my own illness that well, frightening isn't it?

To the beautiful friend who was going to actually bring a tree.. thank you. It meant more to me than you will ever know, but I suppose it was the push I needed to get it figured out on my own. I realized then at that moment no tree was going to magically appear, I knew my limits, and had to figure out the next best plan. The ceramic tree from 1973 just wasn't going to be what I needed this year... yes you heard me right we still have a ceramic tree.. green with all those crazy lights on it.

I remembered that I saved one of Deanna's little trees! (she is getting her very own live tree this year! We never have had one so this is going to be something new...) So I marched my rear end out to the garage and dusted it off. In my cleaning of the table I was going to put it on, to my shock, I found some ornaments in the drawer! I hung those on there and tada instant tree. Its not perfect by any means and it may not put off much light... but its fitting because I am neither perfect nor putting off much light these days.

(Insert long crappy words about the meaning of a Christmas Tree here... I am begging you do not Google it... it will depress you!)

I do realize that some of you think that Christmas trees are for children. They may be .. I don't know .. what I do know is that Christmas holds many many beautiful memories with my children. From matching outfits for picture time (yes I was that mom) to pajamas Christmas Eve, sweet smiles in the morning as their eyes lit up at the surprises Santa had brought, the last Christmas Eve church service... For three Christmases now I have fought to not remember. The memories were just a bit to fresh into the wounds of missing her. This year I just want to sit quietly by the twinkling lights and have them sprinkle my heart with the kids hugs and laughter of Christmas.

So if you see me this year.. just gazing at your tree seemingly lost in thought.. a hug is all that is needed.

Merry Christmas Trees to All!
Love
Re


1 Comment
Kathy C
12/4/2015 05:49:01 am

Hello again. We've figured out our tree. Mine is too large for this house. His is white. And was hers too. We put it up one year, only because I had just had Michael & not a lot of time to decorate. So we bought a new one. Green of course. So now we decorate with both our ornaments and it's now ours. Combining two families with terrible memories of Christmas is hard. But we've manage to conquer all. Especially in a small home. Love to you. Thanks again for the good reads.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

        Author

    De's Mommy
    Re
    Ann Marie
    Rhiannon Phoenix Mariah Dawn
    President of the Pro Bailers

    All of them are me!

    Blogs I Love!

    Life in Mathews
    Living in the Shadow
    Fosterhood in NYC
    Post Secret
    Hyperbole and a Half
    The Bloggess

    Archives

    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    May 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013

    Categories

    All
    #anger
    #bootcamp
    #deannahug
    #givelivehug
    #grief
    #looneytoons
    #onesaved
    #shame

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.