Give. Live. Hug.
Follow Me:
  • Re's Journey
    • Re's Journey 2011-2013
    • Re's Journey 2007 - 2011
  • Spindles
  • Cafe Mais Sha
  • De's Story
    • Photos of De
    • Signs of De
    • Deanna Hugs
  • Glimpses into my mind
  • Banx, Kittum and Fat Beagle
  • Favorite People, Places and Things
    • Family and Friends
    • Bootcamp Family
    • Favorite Places and Things
    • Me!
    • Crafties I Made
    • Deanna's Christmas Tree
  • Encouragements, Insights, and Funnies
    • Encouragement MeMes
    • Funny MeMes
    • Grief Memes
    • Favorite Postsecrets
    • Words of Support from April 20th
  • Races, Runs and other Fun Events
    • Deanna's Candle Light Service
    • Deanna's 5k 2013
    • Pretty Muddy
    • OBX Marathon 2013
  • Contact Us

On a scale of 1 to 10

12/8/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
I was thinking yesterday of how many people think I am ok. That I am better that I have been, that each day is a step in a better direction. It is simply not true, but it is an emotional illusion of sorts. It is like physical pain when you hit 10 anything below it is better, but until you hit that particular 10 you thought 8 was 10 and now you are at 8 which was last weeks 10 so you think you are better because you found a worse than your last weeks 10, but the fact remains you aren't any better than you were last week, you just found a worse horrible.

Before the accident I firmly lived my life in 0 to 3, rarely if ever hit a 4 to 6 for any extended period of time, never a 7 to 10 unless there was a short period of grief or turmoil. I was a fairly lets just do this kinda girl. Since the accident my chart has shifted, 0 is now a 4 because 0 to 3 don't even register for any amount of time, 6 to 8 is the norm, and 9 to 10.. the bad days. My brain and heart can be registering a 10 yet my face shows you a solid 6. I know what you are thinking, if 10 is the worse the worse had to be when the accident happened. You are correct, that was the worst of the worst, it is  not measurable, that amount of pain can't be charted or defined, what I am talking about is after the initial pain. 

I try to explain this all the time, but I don't think I am getting through. Or maybe I am and people don't know what to do with it since I keep managing to get through.  I don't know, it doesn't matter as there is not much anyone can do about it, I just don't want other people to feel trapped in this world of saddness thinking they are alone. The alone feeling is the worst! I see you! I hear you! Your 10 before isn't anymore and you can fake a 6 like nobody's business! You are my people! I hear your song. Yes I am making light of it, because if I don't I will drown in this. Once again the weather and the holidays have me swimming in the bottomless pit of 9 trying to drag me to 10 on a minute by minute. Struggling daily to do daily.

I know it has to be hard for my family to watch, and heaven knows I wish I could just shake it off. Just do different. Each night I go to bed with dreams of what tomorrow will be. Tomorrow comes .. and again I dream of what tomorrow's tomorrow will be. It has to get better right? It did before. Just keep on hanging on until the pit of darkness lightens. I feel like Dory.. just keep swimming swimming swimming.

Where' s the point in this post you are wondering? Oh I don't know that there always has to be a good solid point. I mean this IS my blog and sometimes I don't make good sense, but today isn't one of those days. My point is, do you know someone who is struggling? Who you know is hurting? Have you in the past few weeks been asked about a friend, a family member and your response was. "Oh they are doing well, much better than I would have thought, they are ok." Take a few minutes, stop what you are doing right now and take a few minutes and think again. Really look. Really see. Are they at a 9 but their face is showing you a 6? What can you do to help them be at a 4 for just a few minutes?

Happy dreams for a better tomorrow to all.
Love Re


0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

        Author

    De's Mommy
    Re
    Ann Marie
    Rhiannon Phoenix Mariah Dawn
    President of the Pro Bailers

    All of them are me!

    Blogs I Love!

    Life in Mathews
    Living in the Shadow
    Fosterhood in NYC
    Post Secret
    Hyperbole and a Half
    The Bloggess

    Archives

    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    May 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013

    Categories

    All
    #anger
    #bootcamp
    #deannahug
    #givelivehug
    #grief
    #looneytoons
    #onesaved
    #shame

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.