As I sit here and think of Peace, Love, Laughter, Miracles and the American Dream I feel as if they all have one glaring thing in common. I have not seen any of them in quite awhile. I don't know when the last time I felt true peace, loved without fear, laughed with reckless abandon, witnessed a miracle and felt it, and as for the American Dream I really don't even know what that is for me because I have no desire for a husband, 2.5 kids, a picket fence, and a dog... ok ok maybe the dog. :). So herein lies the question, do these things not exist simply because I don't see or feel them?
I am going to have to go with yes, they are there, all around, each and every day, the darkness just has them in the shadows. It is as if the Goodies are in fear of the Darkness and hiding until it is safe. The little goodies are peaking around bushes to see if Darkness has passed by. It's odd isn't it? When we need the Goodies the most they seem to hide, they appear to be have left us in our greatest time of need. It feels like those things have forsaken you.
It feels like God has forsaken you.
So what do you do? For a few years now I think my only answer to that would be "I dunno" and I don't know if I really didn't know or just that the Darkness took so much away, I am not in a place yet to even dig into that. What I can tell you today is the only thing I know you can do in the middle of all of that Darkness is Believe. Personally I don't care if your belief is in a rock with a red ribbon tied around it at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean if you can just believe in something you can not see for just long enough to get to the beginning of the end of the Darkness you will be able to start seeing all of those things that have been hiding in the shadows, you will once again feel love, joy, you will witness miracles and cry happy tears, peace will surround you and you will finally feel like you have returned home after a journey through hell.
As for me I will put my faith and belief in God.
Some may wonder why I would chose to do that even after all of these months of darkness and feeling so hopeless, useless, worthless. Well I will tell you from my point, I know that I alone didn't have the strength or even self worth to get through this, and while no I can not see God, I know something has been dragging me along. I kinda figure he was too busy getting me through it so he didn't have time to show me sunshine and happiness along the way, but that day is coming. It's always darkest before the dawn
PS If you are in the darkness .. believe in something! Even if its the rock!
PSS I named my house at the beach. Ray of Hope