Another quote from the book "Girl, Wash your Face". I told you it's a good book, go buy it!
Yesterday after my very long post there was a comment that struck a little nerve. "I hope you remember the goals you have met, namely Trifecta." It wasn't a good nerve or a bad nerve it was just one of those "HEY PAY ATTENTION TO THIS!!" moments that make you think.
Since Deanna's accident I have completed 3 marathons (yes the whole 26.2) I have no idea how many half marathons but at least a handful, countless 5ks, 8 Spartan races including a Trifecta in 6 weeks, (they give you a year for that in case you were wondering), dozens of bootcamps, 100's of personal training sessions, I have bought a house, my dream ride, another dog, maintained and excelled at my job, added another one to the mix that I love, written about a thousand blog posts, made new friends and kept friendships growing to new levels, and have managed to be a good enough partner that my guy is still around even though I am bat shit crazy. Sounds amazing doesn't it? It should it was all very hard to accomplish when you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Reality is that all of this is amazingly good stuff that any normal person should be incredibly proud of, my perception, they were just things that I managed to do some how, but I didn't reach any goals because I could have done better.
I will give you a second to let that sink in.
Reality : Amazing achievements in the wake of the absolute worst of tragedies.
Perception: None of it counts, I could have done it better.
That my friends is the power of that gray matter in your head.
We turn our perception into reality when at times it isn't even close. We don't see things as they are, we see things from the place we are in life. Losing two children makes you feel that you are the ultimate failure, you could not do the one job that you as a female are put here on Earth to do, keep your offspring safe, sea lions are more of a success than you are! Nothing against sea lions, they were just the first mammal that popped in my head. So everything that I do is over shadowed in failure, even on a great training day, my thought isn't "Wow Re, you kicked ass today" it goes to "wow Re if you had kept at it maybe you wouldn't still be last but here you are 7 years later still slow as a snail". Finished the Spartan Trifecta, there was a few days of "WOW I DID THAT" then it was.."yea you dumbass if you had trained harder you could have gotten your fat ass over the wall at the start and maybe you wouldn't have had to do 923854239847 burpees, you should have done better"
This kind of thing applies to every thing I do. Everything is seen through lenses of failure and you are just not good enoughs. So yes at times I do need the "You are lifeing great!" or "Hey I see you, you are killing it." I think we all do, I think that is why I am pretty good and telling people how amazing they are doing, because I fear what their mind is telling them. I hope I tell you enough, if I haven't YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH AND YOU ARE DOING AMAZING!
So Goals, real live I am writing them down and when I accomplish them they will be GOALS MET AND ACHIEVED not just yea I did that.
1. Run a 10 minute mile.
2. Run a half marathon, you know actually run every step, in under 3 hours.
3. Take my relationship to the next level, cause yea he is great and he deals with my bat shit crazy ass.
4. Blog like a writer and not some half ass part time pansy ass piddling around, try to find my followers again.
My team lead yesterday actually had us write her our goals for the year for work, her reason was not so she could see what we wanted to accomplish but so that she could support us in achieving our goals, so this is me asking for your support and guidance in my endeavors.
Like a blog post? Share it on your Facebook so that others find the blog.
Run a little faster than me? Take a morning and stick with me and encourage that next 20 yards of jogging.
What are your goals? How can I support you? How can I show you the reality of how great you are?
Peace and Love,