In having a conversation today Charlie was brought up and I was able to discuss him for the second time without ending up in buckets of tears. I realized then it was time to honor Charlie.
I am not going to go into details of the day that Charlie joined Deanna in heaven as that is neither here nor there but I do want to say that my sweet boy did nothing bad or wrong. He did what he was supposed to do, he protected his land, his territory, his doggie brother, his human brother from a perceived threat. I will never fault my boy for what happened that day it was a series of very unfortunate events nothing more nothing less.
I have told Charlie's coming to me story before, I have told what he meant to me and the things he did, I will tell them in short again.
I met Charlie at the local coffee shop, the Front Porch to be exact, he walked up one day with his owner Daryl and I do not know why but I knew in my heart that Charlie needed to come home with me. He did right then and there. There was some discussion had about taking him to vet and Charlie being put down if he was sick before I got too attached. I said no, I will take care of it all. I took Charlie to the vet that very day. He was sick. He had a broken heart but so did I. I sat in the vets office and cried with Charlie's big golden eyes pleading with me to make it ok. They were going to have to put him down, he was sick. Then as the answer to my prayer Dr Welch walked in and offered to help Charlie. He told me that yes his heart was broken but he thought we could fix it. I took Charlie home, knowing emphatically that we were supposed to fix each others hearts.
Charlie had a job to do and he did it well. As I was saving his life he was saving mine. I gave Charlie love and happiness and about 20,000 treats, he gave me my life, the ability to love something new, and about 25,000 kisses. I remember nights of darkness in tears and contemplating the easiest way to end it all and Charlie curling up beside me, reminding me that, without me he wouldn't live. A gentle nudge of his nose saying "No one will take me".
He was right. I knew with everything in me that Charlie was my dog and that without me the scene would not be pretty. I knew that my end meant his end and when it came down to the last moments I always chose Charlie.
This morning I was having a conversation about my move to Mathews and how much it had cost me when I was reminded that cost is relative and not really a matter as long as the lesson was learned. I quickly thought to myself that I could remake the money, I could remodel another kitchen, I will have another home, I can move back to the beach.... but I can't get my Charlie back. This move cost me Charlie and to me that was just too much. What I want to share with you is the conversation that unfolded...
Them: I remember a story once of a dog who came to teach a lesson and disappeared when the lesson was learned.
Think Charlie might have been meant to be here on Earth for a very short time to leave a lesson? Like a ghost dog
I mean, he did kinda show up in your life rather randomly
not to say that makes it hurt less.
Me: I have often wondered that.
Them: He was a weird little creature. He really liked you
but was weird when I came to the house. Not mean. Just a strange dog in that he had no time or intention to bond with anyone.
Me: No, he didn't care for others much
Them: Like he was on a mission and had no reason or want to do anything off course and, frankly, had that not all gone down. Would you be living in your house still available for your neighbor to cause you harm? I can't say I haven't said "thank you Charlie for getting her away from that location."
Me: I thanked him repeatedly for saving my life.. so many times I was just finished and he would come lay by me.. almost as if to say.. if you die, no one will love me... they will put me down.
then I was the one that killed him, I couldn't save him...no matter hard I tried
Them: I kinda think he ultimately saved you. Had he not died, you would have stayed there and well . . . i just never felt good about you going back there. I think in the end, Charlie knew you were "home" but not in a safe location and needed to get you to safety, that dog was really odd Re. I can't think of any other reason he was like that other than he had a mission to serve. He scared me but not in a scaring way scared. Like in a ghost dog way
I don't know about ghost dog, because Charlie was real live flesh and blood but the dog had a Spirit about him that was just different. After all this time, I feel like I can honor him and look at his beautiful photos and smile knowing that he loved me more that his own life. Knowing that if he was here for a reason, if he was here only for the season, if it was all about a lesson he did his job and duty well and in the end sacrificed his self for me.
Until we meet again my sweet boy... you will be loved always.