Give. Live. Hug.
Follow Me:
  • Re's Journey
    • Re's Journey 2011-2013
    • Re's Journey 2007 - 2011
  • Spindles
  • Cafe Mais Sha
  • De's Story
    • Photos of De
    • Signs of De
    • Deanna Hugs
  • Glimpses into my mind
  • Banx, Kittum and Fat Beagle
  • Favorite People, Places and Things
    • Family and Friends
    • Bootcamp Family
    • Favorite Places and Things
    • Me!
    • Crafties I Made
    • Deanna's Christmas Tree
  • Encouragements, Insights, and Funnies
    • Encouragement MeMes
    • Funny MeMes
    • Grief Memes
    • Favorite Postsecrets
    • Words of Support from April 20th
  • Races, Runs and other Fun Events
    • Deanna's Candle Light Service
    • Deanna's 5k 2013
    • Pretty Muddy
    • OBX Marathon 2013
  • Contact Us

The puzzle. 

12/2/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
I was truly not sure this time if the pieces would ever come together as anything recognizable or just remain an ugly tangled jumble of broken fragments of a life that ended before my heart stopped beating, but some how, some way, I am starting to see the beauty of it all falling together.

I don't think my puzzle will ever fall into a glorious image, and I won't allude myself to even think it is possible, because there are pieces that will forever be a source of sadness and pain, however, those pieces when paired with all of the others make the wonderful pieces shine so much clearer, because they are a gift. It is December 2nd, just making it to this date and still being able to see the beauty in the world is amazing enough in it self, but looking forward to more happiness this month is extra special. I am still holding on with all my might, there are bad days, not weeks or months, just days and they are quickly put to rest by having a clear plan. I never miss a work out, that is my plan, it sounds absolutely silly but there is only one day a week that I don't have a planned work out and that is the coveted rest day and generally involves a lot of goodness or just healthy nothingness, so if a bad day falls there I allow it. Now back to the plan, so let's say it is Monday and I wake up and my heart is hurting, I know that come noon I will be in the gym, regardless of heart hurts or tears, I will be in the gym and an hour later I will emerge completely soaked in sweat and feeling accomplished.  It is very hard to allow sadness into your mind when you are struggling to ensure that a bar bell doesn't crush you. For a solid hour I literally have to put everything I have in me on the work out. There is no time to stay lost in memories, and when it is all over somewhere in my heart I always hear "You did it Mom".

While so many people have personally congratulated me on how far I have come with my work outs in just 3 months. (we aren't talking about that stupid scale.. it isn't my friend) The strides I have made in my health and my strength have been quite amazing I will say that myself, but what they don't see is that all of this work is the glue that is holding me together and putting the puzzle back together in an image of beauty not a darkened sadness of a life lost.

I don't know where this road is leading me, I have goals, I have dreams and I know that I want to help people who feel helpless, I know that the puzzle will fall together in good time for that, but for right now I am going to spend each and every day battling for an image of beauty, because before the darkness comes I am going to fill my world with so much light that it will only seem to be a tiny speck of dust.

Much love and peace.
Re
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

        Author

    De's Mommy
    Re
    Ann Marie
    Rhiannon Phoenix Mariah Dawn
    President of the Pro Bailers

    All of them are me!

    Blogs I Love!

    Life in Mathews
    Living in the Shadow
    Fosterhood in NYC
    Post Secret
    Hyperbole and a Half
    The Bloggess

    Archives

    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    May 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013

    Categories

    All
    #anger
    #bootcamp
    #deannahug
    #givelivehug
    #grief
    #looneytoons
    #onesaved
    #shame

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.