The struggle really is real.

Today wasn't easy, well none of the days are easy, but today was especially difficult. The sad thing about that is at the end of class Coach Rhino God of Bacon says.. "I took it easy on you today." I wanted to crawl under the pavement. I am completely in my own head I know this, it is just one of those days that I woke up sad. Sad at life. Yes even in my really happy place the sadness sneaks in. The difference is I still got up and I went to be with people who love me.
On our walk back this morning my dear friend Winnie shared with me an idea that was shared with her. When you are down and struggling think of all of the people who love you, and then picture them surrounding you and holding hands and just showering you with love. I thought that was absolutely brilliant and beautiful and as I sit here typing this I realize that I don't have to picture them, I don't have to imagine them, I just have to make it to Tuesday or Thursday morning and surrounded by love and support I am.
A month ago if I woke up in the sadness that my heart feels today I would have not even gotten dressed. As shameful as that is to admit there were many days that I didn't even bother to walk outside. The hurt can sink in that deep. This morning my eyes opened to me thinking about my weight and how I have destroyed my body with little to no exercise and nasty foods, and how now I am paying the the painful price of those decisions. I thought about how disappointed my beautiful children would be in me if they could see me now. I thought of how disappointed my boys are in me in what I haven't done with my life. And for the first time in a long time I got up and I got dressed and I walked out the door. For the first time in a long time.. it didn't feel hopeless.
That didn't make this morning easy, just because I made it there the struggle to keep going was with me all morning, but I just kept on keeping on. I didn't really know what else to do. I have a goal and I can not meet that goal by sitting in bed or in front of my work computer. It requires me to move and to be with people who can pour on the love when I am hating myself. Today I made it to that place. Tomorrow I will make it to that place.
On a switch of gears one of my hardest things is the struggle with food. I love food. It is a comfort tool. Food loves me too.. so much so they chose to stick around on my rear end.. my arms.. my things.. my cheeks.. my tummy. It is time to break up with the food. It needs to hit the road. I need to be accountable to myself and to do that I need to journal each thing I eat, which oddly enough even though I write I totally suck at! I had this idea, I Facebook just about everything and I take pics of everything soooooo I created a Re's Food Journal Group and Bingo! Food journaling done easy. So if anyone would like to help keep me accountable let me know and I will add you to the group, which is just pics of food and maybe an occasional quote.
Happy day to everyone... tomorrow will be better!
Much Love
Re