During my insomnia riddled morning I decided to plow forward reading the book The Law of Divine Compensation. I have to admit my take away is more confusion than I started with.
I believe the premise of the book is that whatever you put out to the universe or God, as in some sentences it is written, is what is given back to you. Yes the author goes back and forth between God and Universe, I am not sure if this is unintentional or her writing is done in such a way that she may attract more readers, either way you chose which ever word you want, but for my thought process here we are going to use Universe.
The book starts off saying that if you have gone into things without Love, and with negative thinking it will surely fail. That miracles are not provided to those that do not believe and do not put out pure love to the universe. That lovelessness is not even a real thing and that if you are self loathing, self pitying, full of anger and hatered that no miracles will happen to you because you believe in things that are not real. Well ok then... I don't know about any of the rest of you but this pain and hurt certainly feels real to me.
I can't help but think of being a child and having a bad dream and upon waking closing your eyes tight and repeating "it's not real, it's not real, it's not real" only one problem, no matter the number of times I have closed my eyes tight and repeated my mantra.. the monsters returned. The book goes into that this is my ego talking and that these monsters are not real either and that only love will defeat them. Yes, of course, because love has worked so beautifully for me in the past.
One example is I moved to this town because of love, I put my whole self into this, financially, physically, emotionally, I was all in. I prayed, I sat in church and heard the message that it was right and good and that I was headed "home", I was assured that I was loved here and that being with family would help me heal. What has met me in the last 7 months? I was not needed where I thought I would be, I lost my beloved dog, I lost my home that I painstakingly and financially put myself into, I am separated from the friends and family that I love so dearly, my child is hurt and miserable, I had him give up a job that he loved, he now has no church home, I have no church home, and lets not forget the thing I gained.. fat.. i gained fat, all because I trusted and believed in love.
That is just one example alone.. I could probably continue for pages and pages.
But then this book says.. well sometimes things happen even though you went into with faith and love. Wait didn't you just say that all things gone in with love succeed and that is when miracles happen?? OH wait you are clarifying yourself now I see. Sometimes even though you went into with love failure is allowed by the universe to bring you miracles and not all miracles look the way you think they do. The universe may not want you in the house you are looking at, or the town you are looking to be part of, or even the job you thought you wanted.
Oh I see now! The failure was allowed because sometimes that happens anyway and I am supposed to just love and trust that the miracle is going to come plowing out of this financial ruin I am in because I love and trusted.
I want to believe I really do. I want to believe that the monsters in my head aren't real. I want to believe that I am a good person. I want to believe that I will get home soon. I want to believe that the next call i make for housing they won't turn me away.
What the book doesn't explain is HOW you are supposed to believe all of this when trust fall after trust fall you have been eaten alive by the universe.
I am in desperate need of being caught this time... I need that miracle.. for I fear that the next fall will be the last.
I believe the premise of the book is that whatever you put out to the universe or God, as in some sentences it is written, is what is given back to you. Yes the author goes back and forth between God and Universe, I am not sure if this is unintentional or her writing is done in such a way that she may attract more readers, either way you chose which ever word you want, but for my thought process here we are going to use Universe.
The book starts off saying that if you have gone into things without Love, and with negative thinking it will surely fail. That miracles are not provided to those that do not believe and do not put out pure love to the universe. That lovelessness is not even a real thing and that if you are self loathing, self pitying, full of anger and hatered that no miracles will happen to you because you believe in things that are not real. Well ok then... I don't know about any of the rest of you but this pain and hurt certainly feels real to me.
I can't help but think of being a child and having a bad dream and upon waking closing your eyes tight and repeating "it's not real, it's not real, it's not real" only one problem, no matter the number of times I have closed my eyes tight and repeated my mantra.. the monsters returned. The book goes into that this is my ego talking and that these monsters are not real either and that only love will defeat them. Yes, of course, because love has worked so beautifully for me in the past.
One example is I moved to this town because of love, I put my whole self into this, financially, physically, emotionally, I was all in. I prayed, I sat in church and heard the message that it was right and good and that I was headed "home", I was assured that I was loved here and that being with family would help me heal. What has met me in the last 7 months? I was not needed where I thought I would be, I lost my beloved dog, I lost my home that I painstakingly and financially put myself into, I am separated from the friends and family that I love so dearly, my child is hurt and miserable, I had him give up a job that he loved, he now has no church home, I have no church home, and lets not forget the thing I gained.. fat.. i gained fat, all because I trusted and believed in love.
That is just one example alone.. I could probably continue for pages and pages.
But then this book says.. well sometimes things happen even though you went into with faith and love. Wait didn't you just say that all things gone in with love succeed and that is when miracles happen?? OH wait you are clarifying yourself now I see. Sometimes even though you went into with love failure is allowed by the universe to bring you miracles and not all miracles look the way you think they do. The universe may not want you in the house you are looking at, or the town you are looking to be part of, or even the job you thought you wanted.
Oh I see now! The failure was allowed because sometimes that happens anyway and I am supposed to just love and trust that the miracle is going to come plowing out of this financial ruin I am in because I love and trusted.
I want to believe I really do. I want to believe that the monsters in my head aren't real. I want to believe that I am a good person. I want to believe that I will get home soon. I want to believe that the next call i make for housing they won't turn me away.
What the book doesn't explain is HOW you are supposed to believe all of this when trust fall after trust fall you have been eaten alive by the universe.
I am in desperate need of being caught this time... I need that miracle.. for I fear that the next fall will be the last.
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