Ready for an exciting new week? I am! I feel certain I am close to my next scale stepping stone in my weight loss journey so I am super excited to see how this week plays out. The scale has hovered around the same place for about a week now. I have taken notice that it does that. It just kinda stalls for a bit and hovers, like my body is saying, "Ok hang on here.. is she REALLY doing this? Let's just stand here for a minute and figure this out." Which I am REALIZING is part of the whole process. In the past when attempting to lose the weight, inches, sizes, fat.. whatever you want to call it, I would lose say 5 lbs, and continue on whatever diet I was on, but for days that 5 lbs would inch back up! So it would be 4 lbs.. 3lbs.. 2lbs.. 1lb then all of a sudden it would drop back down and I would be at 6 lbs lost but I felt like I had to lose that same 5 lbs over and over and over. It was.. brutal, and actually quite defeating.
One of my "problems" "Issues" "things" is I am a chronic weigher. I want to SEE what that number is doing, no it does not define the whole process any longer but it is part of the journey. I have noticed that when I hover the number on the scale that it is an adjustment period, and it doesn't mean I need to change what I am doing, the adjustment is going on inside! Even though it doesn't LOOK like I want, it doesn't mean the outcome won't be awesome. I have struggled with this and discussed it before. Watching that number, and thinking I had to change something, eat less, run more, blah blah blah. When the truth is I just needed to trust the process and believe in myself and what I am doing!
I was again taught that lesson this weekend.
Ed and I spent the weekend working on yet another awesome project. I am so incredibly grateful to have this new found love of working on these things together, these little ideas that turn into dreams, that turn into scribbles, that turn into working, that turn into reality. Yes we have been together a long time, we have done a lot of things together in that time, but this is all new. Our projects in the past always seemed like individual things, not a joined effort. Floating dock for example. I didn't do one thing on that.. not one thing. I don't know that I offered. I think I was busy doing something (likely nothing). Then again He didn't offer to help me make many (any) meals either. We just did our own thing, but together, but we weren't. In the end it was a story of He did.. She did.. not a We did. Some how, I have no idea how or when it was... "Hey what do you think about..." and it turned into a "Let's do it!" The only problem I see in the whole thing is usually when we envision these things in our heads... our visions are NOTHING alike, which creates a bit of a power struggle. Our outside shower was no different. He had one vision, I had another but we THOUGHT we were on the same page. It may not help that speak different languages when it comes to these things. He will say ABC... and I say No.. XYZ and this goes on and on and back and forth until I DRAW XYZ and he goes.. "Yea.. like I said ABC!"
So here we were Friday night sitting at dinner trying to figure out what lumber we needed, if that wasn't comical! Some how we came up with a list and off we went to Lowe's. When we left he literally said "If we are short this is your fault." I had complete total confidence we were not short at all. I don't know where it came from, but when we pulled out of the parking lot I already had trust in the journey, even though my building skills didn't surpass Mr Riddick's 8th grade shop class. I am not so sure Ed had any confidence in it at all. Saturday morning, we started really early, I dug a hole (which is not easy by the way) and he started building a frame for the floor, it was PAINFULLY slow. Doubt started creeping in and all of a sudden I wasn't believing in what we were doing anymore. I wanted to run, thoughts that we were going to be short, it wasn't coming together like my vision, it was all wrong and so on crept into my mind. I know he was feeling the same, he even voiced a couple of times that things weren't right and I may have told him he was an idiot and just keep on. Truth was I was looking at it going.. "I am not so sure about this" but I knew if I voiced that then NO ONE was believing in what we were doing and it would surely fail. So on we trudged, one board, one screw at a time until we had the framework in place. From here things moved along much faster, but I could still see his doubt, board after board was put into place and by the end of the night we had everything but the door. I was in love, he was still in doubt I think but appeased me with .. "Yea it looks ok."
We were both exhausted by the end of Saturday, and Sunday morning it would have been so easy to just say, "Let's finish another weekend" but both of us were ready to roll. So on to the door we went, which again had it's own set of obstacles, but 80 ground off screws, one inverted point, and a neatly placed jigsaw puzzle of a frame work, we had ourselves a door. But was it going to fit? I had 0 doubt, again.. no idea where it came from. That door when Dad and Ed held it up fit like a GLOVE! it was perfect. Even though I fussed a bit because something I may have mentioned the day before was shooed off and it came up again yesterday and kinda threw a few things off, I am not telling anyone what because as Ed said "No one will ever notice it" In the end, I was right about that, but so was he so it is all good.
With all of the wood work done, it was time to paint! I got that done, and the rest of the hardware was added. We stood back and examined our work. He says "What do you think?" I said.. "I am in love! It's perfect" He then says "Yea, it is not what I envisioned at all." I may add he said this very dry.. my heart sunk a bit, I had all confidence that this little shower was exactly what he saw, it was exactly what I saw. Then he says... "This is better" :)
Things didn't happen in the building as I imagined at all, the process of it all was different than I thought it would be, but throughout the weekend I just kept trusting that it was all going to come together. That in the end our hard work would pay off and this summer we would be enjoying our little outside shower! Sure enough that is exactly what happened, but what if we both didn't believe? What if we both just stuck to our guns of "NO IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY!"? Would we have even gotten the frame work up?
When I think about this, I realize that life is like this. We have to believe in the journey, even when maybe you come up 5 inches off somewhere or when the frame work of something doesn't look anything like what you envisioned, or when the scale isn't moving as fast as you would like. If we give in during those times that things don't look exactly as we thought, we will never see the process through to fruition and we will leave a trail of unfinished projects and abandoned dreams.
Signing off with this, are you in the middle of anything right now that just needs belief in the process? Think about it.
PS Hey babe, thank you for believing in me and having the patience to work with me, even though I have no clue what I am doing. I love you, I love our projects, I love our life.
Peace Love and Light