Wasted days and wasted nights...

Yes it is again true that my brain thinks in song lyrics, isn't that just weird? I have this strange ability to just pop up a song from decades ago that just fits a situation. I will say I probably sang this little ditty more than once since my daddy had on 8 track tape.

Side conversation: if you are under 35 you probably have little clue what one of those are, you know how we carry 1000s of songs around on a tiny little ipod? Well back then you carried about 10 songs around on something the size of a VHS tape, I seriously hope all my readers know what a VHS tape is. Not only would it only hold 10 songs you BOUGHT it that way, there was no recording what you wanted on the tape, there was no late night staying up waiting on that perfect song to come on to record only to have the DJ talk over it in the end, there was no let's download it from the internet, you bought it and it stayed that way forever. Due to size your collection probably wasn't that big, I mean who could lug all that stuff around??

This was my favorite 8 track, I knew every word to every song, I still do.

We also had this awesome Mix Tape 8 track that had the Star Wars theme song on it. Yes yes people I was that damn cool! How did we get on a lengthy conversation of the musical devices of the early 70s???

Anyway what I was saying about wasted days and wasted nights.. yea that pic up there is 3 years ago. Three years later and I am leaning more to the picture on the left than on the right, (who am I kidding I have probably surpassed the one on the left)  I know exactly how much weight I have gained since my lowest which was in this picture below.

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That was 7 months from the first picture.. 7 months. In the 2 years and some odd months since that picture was taken everything went to hell. I went to hell. This crap that I am living IS HELL! Want to see what happy looks like?

That's the same day as above. That is what happy and proud look like. I think Lisa looks as proud of Deanna as I do! I was with friends, working on being better people, better us's. (no an ' doesn't belong there but that is the only way I could make it SOUND right)

There has been happy since that moment while exercising, like this shot..

and this...

There is just one problem. There isn't 7 months of strung together hard work on an almost daily basis to get from point A to point B. They have been so few and far between! I haven't committed myself to anyone of it.

Ok the above that was a year but you get the point. 2 months and 29 days later EVERYTHING fell apart, my heart, my world, my exercise, my eating, EVERY THING! The worst part of wasting all that hard work? Knowing that one very silly Tarpon seen below front and center being.. well silly can't possibly be proud of what I have done to myself in the last 2 years.

I miss the sound of that laugh from above.. more than anyone can possibly know. I also miss the sound of my laugh. The sound of someone who is not only happy but proud to be themselves. Do you know that I actually HELPED people at one time? Not only did I do my bootcamp but I went at night and helped others. Where is that person? I haven't gotten out of bed to help myself.. much less anyone else.

Anyhooo... the point of all of this... I am sick and tired of wasting life away. I need to get a handle on it and hold on. I need to feel like Deanna is in heaven going THAT'S MY MOM!!! I don't feel that way right now.

The above picture is the very first time I participated in any kind of bootcamp event. I had asked Matt if I could possibly train to walk a half marathon in 6 weeks.. he said yea sure you can not a problem. I ran it. The whole thing, each and every step in the pouring rain with a rotten foot. I didn't have one ounce of quit in me. None. I need THAT part of me back and I need it back now. I need the part of me that has the determination to do more than I set out to do, the part of me that does what my coach says I can even when I don't believe it myself.

On Tuesday, I go back. Back to that same camp that started it all 3 years ago, the Flying Pirate training camp. I am even slower than I was then... I can make it farther.. but I am much slower.

So here we go again peeps.. time to 15.20.9.26.14 the mess I have made for myself and rebuild it into something I can be proud of. On the day before Deanna's second angelversary I will be running the Flying Pirate again.... every flipping step. (just hopefully without the rotting foot)

Is there anyone that would like to recommit with me?
Here's the link... Outer Banks Bootcamps Flying Pirate Express Training Camp. Trust me, it can change your life.

Peace out...
Re

Side Note: Yes I borrowed.. ok stole some of these pics.. I am sure they don't mind. Thanks Christine and Jay for being such great picture takers!