I have 9o28347239847398 things to catch up on at work now because of last weeks travel fiasco. Snow in Dallas who has ever heard of a such. Well they have 3 times this year.
So the good news is I got to see snow.
The bad news is I got stuck there longer than planned.
I am going to keep this brief (I just lied to you) as the 923875493284739892384739 things have grown, in the 2 minutes it has taken me to type this.
I just wanted you all to know I am here. I am alive. I am doing the thing I do trudging through life, in one state or another (take that as you wish).
I have some friends and family that are going through things, most of them not fun, so keep them in your thoughts, prayers, or send them the force of the Jedi... whatever it is that you do, do it.
As for me I am ok. Right this minute I am ok.
I was thinking last night that I was currently stewing and fretting and concerning greatly over if I should do the half or the full marathon, and I do mean in a BIG huge way. It was pretty much mind and thought consuming. I am actually still fretting wondering and worrying as I type this.
I am sure some of you are sick of me wavering back and forth as to what my decision is and will be. I know that about 50% of you say go for it and about 50% of you say I shouldn't, ultimately the decision is completely mine alone to make.
Now I am sure you are asking if I KNOW that it is my decision, why do I keep discussing it and talking about it, well because I can. In all this thinking in regards to this decision I realized something. That a little over a month ago I was then stewing, fretting and concerning greatly over another decision. If I should live or die. It consumed each and every fiber of my being, not all that different from this decision is.
Want to know what that tells me? That I made it through, one more time I made it through. A month ago, I would have rather been dead than complete a 5k, much less a half or full marathon. Doesn't that seem incredibly odd? I didn't fail that test, I didn't Ace it but I didn't fail. That is kinda where I am with this whole marathon thing. What if I fail. Truthfully I can do the half with little or no issue at all, I am slow as all get out but finishing it is not even remotely an issue or a concern.
I didn't feel as if I could discuss openly with anyone the decision making process regarding life or death, but this, this is ok to talk about. This I can talk to everyone about and quite honestly I think I have. One day it's a go, the next day I am scared, the next LET'S DO THIS, the following I will fail.
There is something about failure, if you do not try you cannot win, if you cannot win, you have already failed.
So to all of you that have talked to me about it, that have listened to me drone on and on about what should I do.. I thank you. Thank you for listening thank you for giving me advice. Thank you for caring enough to discuss it with me. You are probably the people I would have come to if discussing life and death was an open topic.
Today I leave you with this...