Will they ever be around?
Or will they turn their backs on you?
That will likely be stuck in my head for the remainder of the day! I know we have talked about the mean voices in my head multiple times, this morning will not be an exception, it's rare that the voices are nice to me (if for some reason you are reading my posts for the first time ... don't worry they don't be telling me to harm anyone else, or wear aluminum foil on my head.. they are just mean to me). It is like there is this group of bullies in my head, yes there are more than one they sound different, and they are nasty and mean a LOT. Then some where in the back there is this me, who is healthy, not obese, mentally strong, dressed to the nines with her face on and hair fixed, or in her work out clothes ready for her long run, jumping up and down cheering. She makes it through every now and again. Right to the front and there she is! Jumping up and down! Screaming "YOU GOT THIS RE YOU GOT THIS!!!!"
Unfortunately, she is one, they are many. I think the "they" are born from every wrong I thing I have ever done in my life. Shitty mom. Craptastic Daughter. Unreliable Friend. Lazy Fat F@#k. Awful Significant Other. Warthog of a Sister. They are all there, just like the multiple personalities I am making it sound like I have. Side Note: I don't.. they don't have proper names or present themselves differently so that is a plus. These bitches all live in my head rent free, and if we really look at it I am paying them to live there. With my sanity and my life. I am really working on this, I am REALLY trying to help myself. I am reading, I am googling, I am doing all the things to make me better, and where I am right now is that singular chick in the back, the one with the beauty in her, with the Dolly Pardon hair (sorry it's a thing), in her Stevie Nicks attire and the amazing purple boots with rhinestones (stop laughing this is my super me) is going to have to kill the rest of them. She is literally going to have to sneak up and just take them out. With each one gone, she will get stronger, she will be more powerful, and she will be more beautiful, and I don't mean on the outside I mean on the in. Side note 2 If you ever happen to see me walking through town in purple boots with rhinestones.. I made it.
This post is kinda going all over the place so buckle up butter cup. This whole thing started with a pair of geese, it isn't a gaggle of them because there are only two, it takes three to be a gaggle, in case you didn't know that, but more on them in a minute. As I was thinking of the geese the song popped in my head there I was in the dining room just singing this song. When I said my mind was never quiet, it isn't. If the voices aren't talking, if I am not conversing with myself, there is music. It's this really strange thing where songs pop up that seem to some how relate to what I am seeing, or sometimes just randomly, literally just looked out the window and saw the bird feeders need food the finches are squabbling and Californication starts playing .. no idea why. So that is why sometimes I do the song thing.. it is just playing in my head. :)
Now back to the not gaggle, they appeared over the weekend looking for a place to live (queue slick rick children's story) and for some reason they have chosen our little point. This morning I opened the door to let the dogs out, no geese, I thought to myself well they decided better of it and moved along to the next Zillow listing. I came in the house to turn on the coffee pot and went back to see where the pups were (who let the dogs out) and there they are.. the geese! They are leaving the little marshy area between our house and the neighbors swimming TOWARDS our house. At first the pups do not see them but then Banx does! (he is much more interested in them that KD, she just watches them with what appears to be awe, like laid down on the dock and just watched this whole thing) Bark bark bark.. HONK HONK HONK Bark Bark HONK HONK. It was literally like friends talking to each other, saying "Good morning! How are you today?" That is what led down the path of unlikely friends (I've got friends in low places.. see I am telling you this does not stop) and the first song of the day.
I have some of the most amazing friends. I want to thank you all, each and every one of you that have stood right there cheering away as I self destructed (welcome to the jungle) ... wait that doesn't sound right, you were not cheering the destruction but for me to make it through, anyhoooooo, thank you! You guys are the real heros in my story. I wouldn't be here without you. What I am incredibly grateful for is the unlikelihood of some of those friends. It's the people that someone looking in from the outside would think "How did that happen?", it is you guys that have brought so much unexpected love and things that I needed exactly when I needed them. (I will always love you... ) I just want you to know.. you have made a difference. It could be as simple as a comment on a post, a surprise in the mail, an offer to help, a walk in the afternoon, a phone call, a text... all of that... all of that is kryptonite (Kryptonite ...well duh) to the bullies! My wish... that one day I am standing tall in those boots and can repay you all.
This morning I am going to sign off with a request of you guys.. take a few minutes today. Think about the people in your life, even the unlikely ones and send up some gratitude to the universe for them, because I don't think we can do this thing called life (Let's go crazy) without them.
PS.. Ed do you see why it takes me so long to write now?? It's the music.
Peace, Love and Light