Give. Live. Hug.
Follow Me:
  • Re's Journey
    • Re's Journey 2011-2013
    • Re's Journey 2007 - 2011
  • Spindles
  • Cafe Mais Sha
  • De's Story
    • Photos of De
    • Signs of De
    • Deanna Hugs
  • Glimpses into my mind
  • Banx, Kittum and Fat Beagle
  • Favorite People, Places and Things
    • Family and Friends
    • Bootcamp Family
    • Favorite Places and Things
    • Me!
    • Crafties I Made
    • Deanna's Christmas Tree
  • Encouragements, Insights, and Funnies
    • Encouragement MeMes
    • Funny MeMes
    • Grief Memes
    • Favorite Postsecrets
    • Words of Support from April 20th
  • Races, Runs and other Fun Events
    • Deanna's Candle Light Service
    • Deanna's 5k 2013
    • Pretty Muddy
    • OBX Marathon 2013
  • Contact Us

What do I want to be for Halloween.. 

10/28/2013

3 Comments

 
Picture
Ok the real question is what do I want to be for life, things changed and changed fast. I was content with my job, with my life, with how everything was. I was spending most every day working out somewhere for about an hour sometimes 4,  in a gym, or bootcamp or something, I spent hours on upon hours. I was stronger physically than I am now, but I don't know about mentally, maybe I was because I did not see the hammer falling that would crush the life I knew, but if I was maybe I would have handled it better.

Now I am at a point that I have to make decisions, hard ones, for months I have done much of nothing other than catch up on some TV that I missed for the last 5 years, spent time with my best friend, work,  and travel back and forth to VA, That is pretty much what life has consisted of and now it's time for me to break out of the cocoon I have been living in.  I went back to bootcamp, went when I could, didn't push it because I know my body and unfortunately when one does not sleep well and they are full of anger then one does not perform so well at physical activities. I even waited for night camp thinking oh I can handle that no 430 am wake up call, but only issue there is that is right after work and the exhaustion does not just go away during the day. I know it sounds as if I am making excuses I am not, bare with me here and I will get to my point. I do happen to love bootcamp, I love our little night crew, I think we could be a great team, heck we ARE a great team and my plan is to be there as much as possible again, bootcamp is not my issue.. my issue is the time I am going to have to put in to train for a marathon in March. Am I even a runner anymore? Do I have hours on end to put into that kind of training and still follow my dreams even though they are new, don't have awesome bling at the end and have no idea how to begin other than with a keyboard?

God is not leading me to run, granted it isn't like he told me to stop either, but I can't write and run and that is where my passion is right now. Writing takes a lot of time, and effort, I know most of you are thinking "whatever she just throws her thoughts at us and calls it a day" Yes you are right some days are like that.. but it is still time consuming and honestly I wish I had time to make it much more time consuming, there are topics I want to write about that require research, there are topics that would require days of soul searching, I barely have time to write out my thoughts, now between work and church and bootcamp when I get there. It does not take much to exhaust my poor brain and body, I don't know if it is the meds or the depression but it happens and there is not a thing I can do about it. After writing or talking I am WIPED OUT... even worse than normal, and even when I say "Hey I will be at camp tonight!" something could happen between 4 and 5 that lands me knocked down. Depression is a wild animal and it is also another topic I want to write about from the living it side, not the clinical side, but to try to make others understand the thought of getting out, or coming over, or running 4 miles and doing site ups and burpees only further shove us in our pits and right now church is my priority it is getting me back on my feet, it is giving me faith not only in myself but in others, how do I find the strength for everything.

I don't want to just be the author of this blog, I want to see my name in print, on a book to help others, on a book to help angel mommies and angel friends. How do I do this when I have basically committed myself to 4 months of serious training that will take each free moment between running and working out. I am so torn.. so very very torn. I don't know what I want to be for life, or even the next four months,  a princess or batman, but one thing is for sure, I have to make that choice fast.


Wishing you all a beautiful day and asking for any advice you have!!
Much Love
De's Mommy



3 Comments
Kim Lee
10/28/2013 12:17:04 am

When we put God first, our relationship with Jesus, all other things fall into their proper place. Every single time! In every single situation. And the demons seem to back away more as well & the enemy doesn't taunt & haunt you & keep you depressed, oppressed, or any other pressed. You are & will be freeer to understand those things better when you are free because whom the SON sets free IS free indeed. Yes, depression is real but so many times no one recognizes the spiritual side of why or what is going on around them that they dismiss the major factor in trying to "treat" it. I know~ I was under that same spirit for a long time ~ I do understand but I also now KNOW the truth of it & why & am free. And yes, I went the clinical route too. Praying for you always. <3

Reply
Lauren
10/28/2013 02:15:52 am

I got a huge bump from someone when I read this Do not run. Focus on what you are called to do: write. Be gentle with your body. You have much healing to do still. Love you. Lauren

Reply
Aunt Ann
10/31/2013 11:18:44 pm

Kim and Lauren have given you great Christian advice.Im just going to say it this way :to have JOY--J put Jesus first O-Others second and Y-Yourself last. Now it's up to you to make the choices in your life and with time you can do all things that you are aiming to do and by putting them in the right choice fram you will find they will come about much faster than you can imagine.God is always right on time when we put Him first. Praying!!!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

        Author

    De's Mommy
    Re
    Ann Marie
    Rhiannon Phoenix Mariah Dawn
    President of the Pro Bailers

    All of them are me!

    Blogs I Love!

    Life in Mathews
    Living in the Shadow
    Fosterhood in NYC
    Post Secret
    Hyperbole and a Half
    The Bloggess

    Archives

    January 2022
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    May 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    September 2015
    July 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013

    Categories

    All
    #anger
    #bootcamp
    #deannahug
    #givelivehug
    #grief
    #looneytoons
    #onesaved
    #shame

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.