I know I focus a great deal on what I need from others, or what I feel the grief stricken need from their friends and family, I won't deny that but it is needed. Recently a dear friend lost someone close and everyone kept saying "I am so sorry, I am here for whatever you need, just tell me." over and over and over. To the point he was ready to say .. my leaves need to be raked at my house. What he needed was people to stop saying "I am here for whatever you need" and have the people just do it. Please don't ask us.. we won't tell. (unless of course you are a mouthy blogger who blogs about it.. then you are being told exactly what I need.. errr I mean the blogger needs). The key is just to see the things, or remember back to my posts, and just do them. Show up! Be there! Prepare a meal, months or years out not the week of. Plan an outing. Tell us about something special you remember about our child. All good things.
Anyhoooo, this post isn't even about that, this post is about why am I telling you that you should do all of these things when I am not telling you what I am doing to make it any better. You have a great point, so I am going to take some time this morning and try to throw it out there.
The first thing I have done to help me... I have surrounded myself with the most amazing people. I have had people tell me that I just have way too many friends that it is about quality not quantity. I have to laugh at that, it's not like I am trying to rack up numbers on a friends counter or anything. The people in my life are there because they love me and I love them. Sometimes we don't see eye to eye, sometimes I get on their nerves, sometimes they get on mine. Sometimes we fight, sometimes we can't be apart. Sometimes they are in a close bucket, sometimes they are in a bucket just chilling and waiting to be needed or waiting to need me. No matter where you are in my life, please know that you are loved. Surrounding myself with these people, even though it seems to be an astronomical amount to some, have kept me sane.
The next thing.. I exercise. I get up in the mornings at some insanely crazy time and work out. It used to be every morning, now not so much but I need to get back there. It clears my head, wipes out the cob webs of lingering bad thoughts for awhile. It makes me feel like I am making a difference in my own life. Not to mention the ladies I do this with are AWWWWWEEEESOOMME!
I create, I knit, I paint, I art journal... getting my feelings out through creative expression has been a life changer. It directs my focus on to something who's entire outcome is in my control. So much of life is completely out of our control that these simple things calm the chaos for just a little while.
I run. That is different from exercise by the way. (not really but ..) I run races. I know I always say it is about the bling. It isn't. It's about control again. It is about setting out to do something and being in control of your own finish. Its about not thinking about the hurt and sadness and truly living in the moments of the run. I don't race.. I run. I can't beat anyone and I am not going to win any podiums but to me that is A OK. I run for me. (and maybe the getting a medal thing isn't all bad either)
I write. This blog is a source of comfort. Just knowing that my words may help just one person is enough. I have goals of course I want to reach many. I used to back in the beginning but depression set in and I lost sight of some of the things that helped. This blog was one of them... but as always I get back up so here I am dusting off the keyboard and letting the words flow out.
I spend as much time as I can with the people I love. Does this need any explanation?
I rescued a dog. If I could I would again. My love for Charlie and his love for me saved me in so many ways. My world without him is a darker place. I still have my little Banx but Charlie... there was just something about him that was different. I lost my Charlie a few weeks back.. again here I am getting back up. Losing him was a terrible blow and I know that his love was special, so special in fact that I would put my heart back on the line and rescue another.
I pretend. I know how unhealthy it is, I am not completely an idiot (not one word from the peanut gallery please). I allow myself to believe she isn't gone. That she is out in this world doing her own thing. I am not delusional I know this is not true.. but just for a little while sometimes I have to do this just to get through the bad days.
I talk to the dead. Not just De.. not just Charlie.. not just family.. I mean I talk to people (and now a dog) who die. Young ones.. old ones.. people I knew .. people I didn't. You may find it creepy and that is ok. To me.. if I was gone.. on the other side and no one here remembered me, if no one spoke to me. That would be sad. I probably don't even do it as often as I should. We don't know.. they may hear us. (ps I don't hear them talk back so I am not completely losing it)
The most important thing I do.
I get up each and every day. Every morning I wake up and get out of bed. Every morning is a chance to just stay there in bed and say a big screw you to the world .. thank you so much for dealing me this crap, hand I am done with you, I am going to stay right here and cover my head and just wait to die.... but... every day is also a chance to see the beauty in the world, a friends new baby, to hear your daddy say I love you, to watch your child excel, to hear of your friends college graduation, to do 3 miles with friends, to get a hiney pic from the donut, to be the one a friend reaches out to, to meet new people, to write a blog that touches peoples hearts, each and every day is a new beginning, no matter how deep into the darkness I fall, each and I every day I get up.
I always get up.
What are you going to do today to help yourself?
Much Love,
Re
Anyhoooo, this post isn't even about that, this post is about why am I telling you that you should do all of these things when I am not telling you what I am doing to make it any better. You have a great point, so I am going to take some time this morning and try to throw it out there.
The first thing I have done to help me... I have surrounded myself with the most amazing people. I have had people tell me that I just have way too many friends that it is about quality not quantity. I have to laugh at that, it's not like I am trying to rack up numbers on a friends counter or anything. The people in my life are there because they love me and I love them. Sometimes we don't see eye to eye, sometimes I get on their nerves, sometimes they get on mine. Sometimes we fight, sometimes we can't be apart. Sometimes they are in a close bucket, sometimes they are in a bucket just chilling and waiting to be needed or waiting to need me. No matter where you are in my life, please know that you are loved. Surrounding myself with these people, even though it seems to be an astronomical amount to some, have kept me sane.
The next thing.. I exercise. I get up in the mornings at some insanely crazy time and work out. It used to be every morning, now not so much but I need to get back there. It clears my head, wipes out the cob webs of lingering bad thoughts for awhile. It makes me feel like I am making a difference in my own life. Not to mention the ladies I do this with are AWWWWWEEEESOOMME!
I create, I knit, I paint, I art journal... getting my feelings out through creative expression has been a life changer. It directs my focus on to something who's entire outcome is in my control. So much of life is completely out of our control that these simple things calm the chaos for just a little while.
I run. That is different from exercise by the way. (not really but ..) I run races. I know I always say it is about the bling. It isn't. It's about control again. It is about setting out to do something and being in control of your own finish. Its about not thinking about the hurt and sadness and truly living in the moments of the run. I don't race.. I run. I can't beat anyone and I am not going to win any podiums but to me that is A OK. I run for me. (and maybe the getting a medal thing isn't all bad either)
I write. This blog is a source of comfort. Just knowing that my words may help just one person is enough. I have goals of course I want to reach many. I used to back in the beginning but depression set in and I lost sight of some of the things that helped. This blog was one of them... but as always I get back up so here I am dusting off the keyboard and letting the words flow out.
I spend as much time as I can with the people I love. Does this need any explanation?
I rescued a dog. If I could I would again. My love for Charlie and his love for me saved me in so many ways. My world without him is a darker place. I still have my little Banx but Charlie... there was just something about him that was different. I lost my Charlie a few weeks back.. again here I am getting back up. Losing him was a terrible blow and I know that his love was special, so special in fact that I would put my heart back on the line and rescue another.
I pretend. I know how unhealthy it is, I am not completely an idiot (not one word from the peanut gallery please). I allow myself to believe she isn't gone. That she is out in this world doing her own thing. I am not delusional I know this is not true.. but just for a little while sometimes I have to do this just to get through the bad days.
I talk to the dead. Not just De.. not just Charlie.. not just family.. I mean I talk to people (and now a dog) who die. Young ones.. old ones.. people I knew .. people I didn't. You may find it creepy and that is ok. To me.. if I was gone.. on the other side and no one here remembered me, if no one spoke to me. That would be sad. I probably don't even do it as often as I should. We don't know.. they may hear us. (ps I don't hear them talk back so I am not completely losing it)
The most important thing I do.
I get up each and every day. Every morning I wake up and get out of bed. Every morning is a chance to just stay there in bed and say a big screw you to the world .. thank you so much for dealing me this crap, hand I am done with you, I am going to stay right here and cover my head and just wait to die.... but... every day is also a chance to see the beauty in the world, a friends new baby, to hear your daddy say I love you, to watch your child excel, to hear of your friends college graduation, to do 3 miles with friends, to get a hiney pic from the donut, to be the one a friend reaches out to, to meet new people, to write a blog that touches peoples hearts, each and every day is a new beginning, no matter how deep into the darkness I fall, each and I every day I get up.
I always get up.
What are you going to do today to help yourself?
Much Love,
Re
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