The last two days have been sad. My birthday is Monday. I know you are thinking so what does that have to do with anything. Well you see I remember my last birthday with Deanna vividly. We all went to dinner at Bernie's and she had made this cake. She spent the day making and decorating a cake while I spent the day at the beach. Dark chocolate because "it was healthier". It is a beautiful sweet memory that just brings floods of tears because I know she won't ever deliver another cake so proudly. I know that I won't hear "Happy Birthday Mommy I love you!" ever again.
It's been 4 years since that day.
I turn 45 in 3 days. At 45 one would think they would be settled and straight and be where they should be. Not me. Not Re. Why because I always have to do things the hard way. I can actually hear my mother in my head. "Why do you always have to do everything the hard way?" I think she always assumed that I saw another way and just chose the hardest. Either way, here I am not where I belong, not where I am happy.
Some part of me believed I would be home for my birthday. That I would be celebrating with Kami the day before as usual. That I would be sending Lisa a text of our birthday cake. I thought I would be doing 45 somethings at bootcamp. I was wrong.
Par for the course I am just heartbroken. How can I still be so utterly LOST?
Other than just believing that the problems will be resolved and I will be home soon, what are ways you get through times that you just don't see the way out of?
Much Love
Re
It's been 4 years since that day.
I turn 45 in 3 days. At 45 one would think they would be settled and straight and be where they should be. Not me. Not Re. Why because I always have to do things the hard way. I can actually hear my mother in my head. "Why do you always have to do everything the hard way?" I think she always assumed that I saw another way and just chose the hardest. Either way, here I am not where I belong, not where I am happy.
Some part of me believed I would be home for my birthday. That I would be celebrating with Kami the day before as usual. That I would be sending Lisa a text of our birthday cake. I thought I would be doing 45 somethings at bootcamp. I was wrong.
Par for the course I am just heartbroken. How can I still be so utterly LOST?
Other than just believing that the problems will be resolved and I will be home soon, what are ways you get through times that you just don't see the way out of?
Much Love
Re
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