So yes I am frustrated.
Question is what do I do about it. I just keep going is what I do about it. I know that what I am doing is good and right. I know I am working out a good amount, (I really want to add running back into the mix but I have no motivation to do it alone.. I need to overcome that in my own head) I know that the foods I am eating are good and healthy and whole (well maybe not that popcorn I had at the movies but you have seen the pics.. that food rocks). I have a long way to go in this journey and I knew there would be flat spots and obstacles to over come.. I just didn't think it would happen this soon.
It seems my outer fat girl has waged war on my inner fit girl and I am just not happy about it. There is a small chance that I am not eating enough calories (save for the popcorn) on an average. I noticed a trend a week or so ago when I was putting my food in an online app that the work out off set of the food was quite high and I wasn't always hitting my 1,200 calorie goal prior to adding in working out. I will dive deeper into that this week and record all meals and measurements and see where the fall out is next Monday.
I also need to vow to drink my friggin water! I am failing at that so miserably and I don't know why. I am going to have to go back to my normal 7 bottles of water and forget about the environment for awhile. I have tried cups, little ones, big ones, wine glasses, pretty glasses, refillable bottles, gallon jugs, on and on and on and nothing works as well as an Aquafina water bottle. I will go back to that method until I get over this "dry spell" ... oh the pun.
There is one other thing I noticed over the last two weeks. My stress level has gone through the roof! I don't know if it is my fear of fall and all the darkness that comes with it. I don't know if it is work related. I don't know if it is just fretting over what the scale and the tape measure will say. I don't know if it is the feeling of being alone in life.. and before anyone says I am not alone.. no I am not I have friends and family like no other... but I do not have a life partner. And NO I DO NOT KNOW WHY THAT IS ALL OF A SUDDEN BOTHERING ME! (little frustrated sorry). Anyhoo I feel like I need to get on top of this stress a bit. I chose to sleep in this morning rather than meet for the run at 530 because I feel my lack of sleep last week is still playing a roll into how I am feeling. I feel the exhaustion and not just the good tired of working out hard.
I I am guessing you are wondering where I am going with all of this. A couple of places actually. First I REFUSE to be part of the My Big Fat Fabulous life scene. There is nothing fabulous about this. It is painful, unhealthy and finally when I look in the mirror I see gross. How can I expect anyone else to find me attractive. So that means regardless of what the scale, a tape measure, my brain, or the mirror says I am going to keep on going. Second I have repeated this over and over, this is a journey, it is not something that can be fixed in one day but over a lot of time. I am in this for the long haul but I am realizing quickly that this is not just a journey it is war. I am in war with my own body and I will win. In war if you aren't winning you look at your strategies again and you modify where needed and you go back in guns a blazing... Well fat.. I have been working on my guns weekly and I am coming for you!
Wishing everyone a peace and health filled week!
Love and Peace